7 Reasons You’re Not Fully Booked + Self-Sabotaging Solutions

7 Reasons You’re Not Fully Booked + Self-Sabotaging Solutions

7 Reasons You’re Not Fully Booked + Self-Sabotaging Solutions

This episode is jam-packed with actionable ways to go from unbooked to fully booked! Plus, reducing self-sabotage along the way.

Some things can happen under the radar, in our unconscious, that keep you from being fully booked, that are actually self-sabotage.

I want you to take action! Figuring out where you are having some trouble and knowing how to get yourself out of that block will help you make an impact and an income.

I highly suggest you listen to this episode and apply these easy ways to grow your business – right now! You can simply pause and do it along with me.

I also share 9 POTENT questions you can ask yourself to help limit self-sabotage going forward.

Highlights you won’t want to miss:
  • [1.35] You can work through your blocks to make the impact and income you are here to make.
  • [3.35] Visibility and charging your worth, energies to work through.
  • [4.28] The number one reason you’re not booked that has to do with being too available.
  • [7.44] How to know if you’re hitting your targets.
  • [10.18] Tracking… look at your numbers.
  • [17.65] Ways to add to your existing income that you may be missing out on.
  • [20.07] The deeper work will set you free.
  • [22.23] Collaborations, networking, your own PR – are you doing this???
  • [30.00] The ways you sabotage yourself. 9 POTENT questions to ask yourself.
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Welcome back to the Aligned and Unstoppable Podcast. I am your host, Emily Aarons.

Warm welcome! Thank you for being here and thank you for all of you who’ve been dedicated listeners for years and welcome to the new folks who are here.

So I’ve decided to record this week’s episode as a Facebook Live because there are sometimes I just feel called to share these insights and get it out there, to the masses. As fast as humanly possible. I don’t know. I guess it’s in my nature to do this sometimes.

So if you are a podcast listener and not yet on my email list, make sure you get on the email list so that when I do send out notifications, you will get notified right away.

When I do this as a lot of times its very last minute. So if you just happen to be on email or happened to be on social media, you might catch me. And I usually do these live streams on Facebook or on Instagram, so I’m going to dove right into it.

The topic of this week’s episode is the seven reasons why you’re not fully booked and how you might be sabotaging yourself. So I’m going to be going through a list of seven reasons and the things that I’m seen very frequently with clients. I’ve also had these things happen with myself, so this is not just what happens to other people elsewhere. I’ve also experienced this myself.

In addition, I’m going to close this week’s episode, just really talking about some ways that we can self-sabotage. And these are things that are like, you know, under the radar, they’re sometimes unconscious. And so we might be knocking ourselves out of the running for getting more customers just because we might secretly having these thoughts.

So you’re going to want to stay till the end and you’re going to want to take notes. Right now, I’m not sure if we’re going to have an attachment to this week’s episode with a PDF. Usually with checklists like this, I like to have that, so I’m just going to be fully transparent. I don’t know yet.

So grab a pen and paper.I want you to write these things down, because this is not only about some great tips that I’m giving you and some things that I see regularly, but I want you to not just take note, but I want you to take action. Okay?

So it’s one thing to know where you might be having trouble and we could call it a money block. We can say, Oh, well, I just have this issue, right? But it’s beyond the money block. And so you listen to this podcast or you follow me on social for a reason, okay?

You are here to make an impact and you also are here to make income, my friend. So you might be a service provider, you might have products.

For those of you who are live, let me know. Do you sell products? Do you sell services? Do you sell both?

And I want to also let you know that this I don’t know podcast, this live presentation that I’m doing right now is basically just a little piece of what you’re going to get inside of the Intuitive Leadership series that is coming up October 26th, November 2nd, and the 9th.

So it is a series and it is for people who are coaches, healers, practitioners, or who want to start a new career in one of those realms. And you want to be able to stand out from a crowded market. You want to be able to help people, but you also have to overcome things like, you know, visibility and charging your worth. And so we’re going to be doing a lot of workshopping in that series. It’s a really low affordable price.

For those of you in M&A, you get half off. So use that coupon code that’s in the group. And if you participate in the Intuition Month, you have a special coupon code as well. So let’s dove right into it. If you want to join the workshop, it’s emilyaarons.com/leadership/. Even if you join after we start the workshop, that’s okay. You’ll get all access to the full recording.

So let’s dove right in.

So the very first place, the reason why you’re not booked is, number one, you are not establishing how many sessions you have. So I know this sounds so elementary and it is okay, but I see this all the time. So you’re not establishing how many sessions you have. So to get fully booked, you need to know what that even looks like.

So do you have a booking link that tells you there are a specific number of appointments this week? Yes or no. So what’s your exact availability?

So I’m just going to say, for example, and I’m going to talk kind of fast through this, you might want to write it down. Let’s say you have availability Monday, Wednesday and Friday between 9 a.m. and 2 p.m., but you only do 90-minute sessions or 90-minute appointments.

What does that mean, Emily?

That means between 9:00 and 2:00 o’clock, you should not have free reign to book whenever you want to book in that timeframe. And yes, that sounds really type-A and like controlling. And there’s a reason for that.

Because I know for me, in my experience, when I’ve had availability like that and I didn’t have specific appointment slots, people would be like, you say, when do you want to come in?

And you know, yourself feel like I have the whole day available on Wednesday. It really doesn’t matter to me. I’ll just take them whenever they can come. That is a broke ass decision. That is a broke mindset.

So when you make an appointment, let’s just say for the dentist. When you make that appointment, do they tell you they have the whole day available or do they give you specific time slots and you make yourself available? The latter. So you need to look at yourself in the same exact way.

So you have a specific appointment. If you’re 9 to 2 and you have 90 minutes sessions, you have a 9 am to 10:30, you have a 10:45 to 12:15 and you have a 12:30 to 2. So, that means you don’t have a lunch break and that could work for you or not work for you. For me, I don’t usually eat until like 2 or 3:00. I have a big breakfast in the morning then I just like go hard all day. Not hard. I work from 10 to 3. So it’s not like all day.

But my point is, is like, if I’m taking appointments, I only have certain time slots available every single week.

Why do we only have those three? The 9, the 10:45 and 12:30. Those who are live with me. Why do we only have three?

That is because now I know I have nine appointments per week. If I’m available Monday, Wednesday, Friday and each of those days there’s three appointments that equals nine appointments per week.

Does this make sense so far? Am I talking too fast? I want to go through this quickly because I have a lot to share with you. There are seven ways that you could be not booking yourself and I want to get through all of them as quickly as possible. So if you know you have nine bookings a week available. Now you can understand how to make a goal.

Number two is that you’re not setting goals.

See how they kind of like one washes into the next. So you’re not setting goals. So you might have a goal. Yes and no. Tell me more, Laura. Beth, tell me more. I’m going to keep going, but I’ll come back to you if you can explain.

So if you’re not setting goals, how do you know you’re going to hit your target?

So why you don’t set a goal is usually because if you don’t hit it, you’re going to make it mean something terrible about yourself. I know that because I used to do that crap and it doesn’t actually mean anything terrible about yourself.

On the other side of goal setting, when you make a goal, let’s say your goal isn’t nine people a week, it is four people a week. That’s how I start. I start off five people a week. I said, I’m going to have five customers every single week.

When I start setting goals for myself and I really start to amplify my message in my, my reach set five every single week. So there were weeks when I had zero. There are weeks when I had one. But you know what? Pretty quickly, I was hitting that five every single week and I’m banging my hand right now. Okay.

So I hit that five every single week because I knew what I had to do, who I had to become. What type of gal gets five consistent clients every single week? And then we’ll talk about the self-sabotage in a minute. But this is it.

Yes. It makes sense that I’m not talking too fast. Thank you. Great. Sometimes I get really excited and I just go, like, boom.

So let me know. And this is where you can put the pen to paper. What do you currently sell? How many of those do you need to sell to hit that goal? And we can just call it like that one session. So even if, you know, you have these five appointments, what is that appointment?

And in the workshop at the Intuitive Leadership Series, we’re going to talk about how to create this one stand alone offer that is like your signature offer because a bigger we’ll talk about this in a second, but one of the bigger problems that gets diluted is that you have like too many offers on enough offers.

So not setting goals. So if you have a goal, let’s say it’s fine, let’s say it’s ten, whatever it is for you. How much are you making in those sessions? Okay, so look at that.

Number three is you’re not tracking your sessions or your income. See how they one stacks into the next into the next. This problem, I got this problem and it leads to this problem.

So tracking. Look at your numbers. Why don’t we look at our numbers?

Because they look like shit, and we don’t want to look at the shitty numbers. It’s as simple as that. It’s the same reason why we don’t often look into our bank account, right?

If I open it, I’m going to get that lurch in my stomach. And I’m gonna throw up, or my heart’s going to start pounding and feel like crap because I’m not good enough. I’m not making enough, and I just don’t like any of that. So I’m going to just put my head in the sand. I’m not going to look, you can’t make me, huh?

Do you see how childish that is? It’s not mature, it’s not responsible. It’s not a baller, you know, badass business woman, person, whatever.

So I want you to have your numbers. I want you to look.

Thank you. It’s so juicy. You’re welcome, Traci. And it does help you set boundaries. Yes, Laura, it does.

So, okay, let’s talk about numbers.

What was your income? You don’t have to post this when you thought you are on live. Okay.

What was your income? Write in your journal about yourself. Just keep it to yourself. What was your income for the last 30 days? Write it down if you want to make a guesstimate. Make a guesstimate. But then literally look at how much income you made in the last 30 days. Do not skip the step.

This is not all. I’ll do it later because you won’t be honest with yourself. I know you won’t because I never used to do that later. I used to keep a record on like a notebook clipboard thing and it was in pencil and I would then put it in an Excel spreadsheet. And that was like my bookkeeping. It was total garbage. And also I wasn’t making any money because I was like, I really didn’t have much to look at, so I just kind of kept it kind of crappy. And then when it was time to pay the taxes and I’d be like, well, it was like kind of maybe probably this all.

And I also did that chair massage gig. Oh, that other person hired me for a private party. Oh, and I also did that other thing. Oh, wait, I should. What was my mileage? We will get into that later. I’m not going to talk about that right now, but you need to understand what your income was. Okay.

So do you have a ballpark number for that? I would hope so. What would it look like? And more importantly, what would it feel like if you doubled that number? Think about that.

This is the stuff that makes your business explode. When I start to get really serious about my business and start to do these different things now, everything started to change. So take that number in double. And what does that feel like for you?

So in my in my business, when I started to look at my numbers, I looked at hitting a big, unrealistic, crazy, bonkers goal, which was essentially to hit $100,000 in my business when for years I had been consistently making like about 12 to $13000 a year. Okay. So in effect, I was having to multiply not just double, not triple, but ten x.

And so thank you for participating, Laura. It would feel amazing. All the other live viewers on here are just keeping quiet to themselves. I don’t know. How would it feel? Can you imagine? Or are you just not even going there because it would feel too damn good? So think about that.

What happens is it causes you to become a different person. Oh, my gosh, I would feel like this. Well, when you’ve made double, like, how do you show up differently? Do you show up more confidently, more charismatically? Do you feel healthier, more full of vitality and energy? Do you have more to give? Do you feel more worthy of raising your rates and charging your value? Like, think about that.

Everything kind of it’s like the big domino, like boom, boom, boom. All of it starts to shift when we start to look at things like this. Okay. Now you had to look at what it would take to create that. Okay.

Let’s go to number four. Not creating upsells and downsells.

So think about the offer that you have. I’m going to take a sip of water, give you a chance to breathe. We’ll all take a moment.

Okay. Let’s think about what you are selling. Is there something else that you could sell that would be complimentary? Or could you do something maybe to get to that big goal a little bit faster with less effort by you?

So if I see a lot of you guys are both service providers and you have products, so you are winning so hard you don’t even know it. So physical products or digital products are an amazing complement to the work or services that you are providing.

So yes, it would definitely feel better about raising my rates. Exactly. Heck, yep. I double where I’m at.It actually hit my monthly goal for this year.

Then what is stopping you, Jackie? Like the only thing is stopping you. Is guess you. So I want you to take this moment.

Think about the thing that you do. Is there something else that could compliment it? It could be a lower price point. Or it could be a higher price point.It could also be something that takes little or no effort by you.

So I’m going to give you a few examples as we move on in just a moment. I think I wrote it in this one. Maybe I just have it my later notes. Oh, I think I might have it in my later notes. Let’s see.

I might just give you some options. Yeah. I don’t think I have it in this section I have in my other notes because this is part of a huge workshop, the Intuitive Leadership Series. We’re gonna do so much good stuff. You are going to love it.

And this is why I’m saying double your income in the next 30 days, because you’re literally if you do these things, you will increase your revenue. I don’t know how else to put it. And this is not an overpromise. This is a truth. Like it will work for you if you do these things. Okay.

So some things are upsells are down sales. So I’ll give you some examples right now. I think I need a little bit of anything.

Hi, Chris. Good to see you.

So an upsell or a down sell and feel free to put your own put your own in if you have ideas.

So you all know I do energy healing, but I also have a whole membership that is full of recorded energy healings and meditation. So an opportunity for me to do a down-sell would be to give or to sell, I should say a meditation, whether it’s a single meditation or a bundle of meditations.

Let’s say somebody come in and working on money blocks, okay? I happen to have a whole bunch of abundance meditations for you. In fact, I have free ones right on my website. If you go to my website right now, you can get two of them for free.

But I do have multiple that I sell at a low price, so that could be an opportunity. An upsell could maybe be. instead of doing one session, you do an ongoing package of sessions. And the problem with that, so I’m not going to let go like crazy on this one right now.

But the problem with a lot of folks who are making packages, you’re only thinking about yourself in your bottom line like, Oh, I could sell one session for 100, but I could sell five of them for 500, you know, like or 150. I could sell five for 500. Right?

You’re going to save them some money. But like who said they wanted that? That’s the biggest problem with that crap. It’s like I used to do that too. I’d be like, Here’s a package. And I never was like, so. And next. It’s like they didn’t want it. So you’re not doing any kind of research to know that that is even what somebody wants. So like, what the hell is the point of having these packages.

Of, Oh, you can have 12 readings. You’re like, Well, who said they wanted 12 readings? Like one person. Okay, we’ll make the packages for that one person. You can offer it somewhere else, but like, is it really something that you want to do on going? What if 100 people bought it, like you’re giving yourself? So what I’m talking about is an upsell that is higher value, maybe more in-depth in a higher price.

So if somebody wanted to work with me, let’s say, in a group coaching program versus 1 to 1 coaching. So they’re getting a whole lot more of me. And the price point is like five times that. You see the see the difference? Or the the down sells could be a complementary if you do tapping, if you do hypnosis, if you do NLP, if you do a recipes, if you do organizing, if you sell a product that they could go with it always, always, always offer that down.

So the more successful I get, the more like me I feel I am. So with you on that, Laura. I am so with you. I love making money and money loves me. And I truly feel like that.

Like, you know, when you’re in a relationship and like things are going so well and you’re in that like, o-oh phase, like, that’s how I feel about money. And I never used to be like that.

This is part of what we’re doing in the Intuitive Leadership series is we’re going to go into the wounds of the money blocks and into that ancestry. And like, we’re going to be digging up some stuff, but it’s going to help you to identify from the unconscious place to the conscious place of what the hell has been going on, why have I been self-sabotaging? Why even stop it myself? And now that I know about it, I’m going to stop it right now. Okay?

So you can really grow so much when you do deeper work and you can heal relationships with money. And there really is a relationship. So it’s like, are you in a functional relationship or dysfunctional relationship with money?

It’s a whole another podcast for a whole another day, but I’m going to kee going my goals. All right.

So number four, five, I haven’t lettered that was silly of me because their letter and I have to figure out what is, right? It’s four. It’s five. My bad. It’s five. It’s embarrassing. Okay.

So five is you’re not creating packages that people want. I literally just said that. I’m like, I’m preaching. You’re not creating packages that people want, mainly because you are not taking the time to do your research.

Again, in this workshop series, we’re going to be doing research. It’s three different classes over a period of three weeks. So you’re going to come to class prepared and you’re going to have some really good data to share with us.

And I will be calling on you. So if you guys are registered, I’m looking at you registered. Be prepared. I’m going to send you some information week after week to say, here’s your homework. I want you to move the needle and do these things. I’m going to ask you for this data that when we come to class.

So, you know, are you creating packages that people want or are you just making bundles of random things? Right.

So the next one is number six.

You’re not doing any kind of outreach, you’re not emailing, you don’t even have an email list, most of you, some of you. Or if you do have an email list, you don’t even email people on it. You’re like, I don’t want to bother them. You know, they sign up for my email list and they wanted a year for me, but I just don’t want to be in their inbox.

Networking? You’re not doing any networking, whether it be virtual or in-person, to get customers to know about you, people to know about you.

And that networking also includes like joining, you know, memberships, joining courses or something with a community or masterminds. You’re not doing the networking thing, you’re not collaborating. So that mic, that could be podcasts, classes or special things that you do with another person.

So, you know, let’s say your your body has a Facebook group or they have a course in a program or they have a podcast, and you’re not pitching yourself to be on it.

Like, Hey, why not? Tell me putting number one in with the live comments, if that’s you, if you’re not pitching yourself to do collaborations, you’re not networking, you’re not doing the outrage that emailing, you’re not DMing people. That’s a big one. You’re not making any connections for how you can serve now or in the future. So, you know, I get people who reach out to me all the time.

Why is this hidden and I’m going to unhide that, that’s silly.

I get people who reach out to me all the time who literally just say like, I love what you do. I cannot afford you. I want to work with you so bad. I just don’t have the money. But I’m obsessed. I’m on your email list. I got your free thing. I don’t want you to think I’m a freeloader, but I just don’t have this. And it’s my life circumstance like that person is telling me. In under a very clear words. I will not work with you today. However, I do love you.

So this kind of thing happens all the time and I’m positive it’s happening to you too.

Thank you for all the honesty with all the ones in there, everybody. Angie, Jackie, Chris, Lawrence, Cindy, thank you.

So this is the thing, right? It’s not only about right now. This is going to be one of my other tips, but people are saying, I’d like to work with you. It’s just not right now.

And so some of you take that at value and go like, I’m worthless. I’ve obviously don’t have anything good. I should create lower-priced things so that person can afford me. Please, God, don’t do that. Oh, okay.

We’re going to talk a lot about that and creating offers that are really in alignment with you and your value and to help you understand that you are the value.

And so I’m totally good if you have a meditation that’s pre-recorded, if you’ve made a cool workshop, I’m going to talk about myself. I’m in a workshop on crystals about five years ago. I have sold that thing easily thousands of times over. I did it for free. One time I opened up a Facebook group and I was like, Hey, I’ll teach this class if you bring your friends into the class.

And at the time, my goal was to bring more people into my Facebook group, because at the time Facebook group works, Facebook groups worked more than they do now. They didn’t have the algorithms. Like they do now. So there were different.

So my goal was, I’m going to teach this class and I’m going to save it and I will sell it at a later time.

Now I do that. It’s a great opportunity for me to do something one time and repurpose it multiple times, because if I sell, even at this podcast right here, it’s recorded on video, I could totally download this video and sell this as a free workshop or as a paid. I mean, I could easily charge $15, $20 for this information.

Are you who are on. There’s 20 people are on right now. Do you find this valuable? And just like humor me, if it was for sale right now, what would you pay for this information? If it’s helpful? Is it getting you to think? Is it getting you to realize what you’re doing wrong and how to do something differently? What value is a bringing to you? And it won’t hurt my feelings if you’re like, I wouldn’t pay for this man, this is sucky. Or if you’re like, No, it’s so valuable. Like It’s. Fine. You can just say whatever here. I just I’m just asking because you’re on live with me.

But my point in it is saying you might have things that are so valuable that you just have stuck and held hostage inside of your brain. And if you were to share it, you can repurpose it and sell it multiple times over. Doesn’t take any effort from you. Okay?

So, what I mean by that is like we’re talking about outreach and classes and podcasts, right? So those things will live on, on and on and on. And that’s, that’s a way that you can serve people in the future. And you don’t have to discount yourself. You can just give them something else.

Like, there are plenty of folks. If I said, like right now. Guys. Who wants to work with me one on one for the next six months, who wants that? Tell me. You want to work with me for six months? Just you and me privately. You can have me in your pocket. I’ll be on Voxer, I’ll be on email. I’ll have your eyes on stuff. I can pull random cards for you. I can channel for up ad nauseum, and we’ll have healing sessions every single month.

And I’ll teach you how to open up your intuition more and how to utilize that to rally maximize your growth in your business. I can do that for you because I’ve been doing this for years and I can promise you results because I know that that’s what I do.

But how many of you are willing to invest in tens of thousands of dollars for that? See, that’s the thing is I am the value, but I can break off little pieces and I can scatter them all over the Internet. Right. I have a little piece here and a little piece there. And that’s what I do is I can give value. It doesn’t have to be all of me and my time and my energy, but it can be something that’s like a wonderful nugget.

Everyone’s saying, yes, heck yes. I love to. Write. Heck, yes. Thank you very much. But also, why? Why would you say heck yes with enthusiasm? Why would you say Heck yes, with enthusiasm?

Because most likely, you’ve been around for long enough to know. I’ve proven myself. I have a track record and I am confident that I’m going to get you results. Okay.

This is why we have to play the long game with our customers. That the person who is ready today is ready today. Sure.

But then there’s people who are like, I’m going to be on your list and hang out with you for the next, like few months or a few years. And then, like, at that time later. Then maybe I’ll buy something. Maybe.

I love that. Give a nugget. That’s all we’re doing, Tracy.

And that’s like, that’s what my podcast is. That’s what social media is all about. That’s what my emails are meant to do. That’s what my mini master classes do.

That’s what my workshop that I’m doing, the intuitive leadership search. That’s an I mean, as much as I can say, I could give you more, which like I told the kids, a three-part series, the Intuitive Leadership series. So it’s three different sessions over the course of three weeks. And I’m going to give you as much value as I can in that short amount of time, and it’s still just this tiny little crumb.

I have so much more to give and share, but what I want to do is make me more accessible. So I give it at a lower price and I can have more people involved. So I’m hoping to just cap it at about 100 people or less.

I don’t want to have this like a gargantuan list of people in this Intuitive Leader leadership series. I want to be able to be up close and personal with you. I mean, hell, like 50 people is amazing. It’s amazing.

So, like, I’m not going for big numbers here. I’m going for people who are ready to do the work. So I’m going to put my link in here to us. I haven’t done that yet. emilyaarons.com/leadership/ and that’s how you get a ticket into this series.

All right, you guys ready to wrap it up with the last thing that you’re doing that’s making it so that you’re not fully booked and then we’re going to get into the ways that you sabotage yourself. Who’s ready?

If you’ve been enjoying this, please hit those like thumbs up and hearts and those sorts of things. I would love, love, love.

Trying to get out of the whole transformation mindset. What does that mean,Tracy? Okay.

And nobody answer me. What would you pay for this workshop.If this was a workshop? Think about yourself as a business-minded person. Like if somebody was done so far about 30 minutes.

So let’s just say a 40-minute workshop that’s going to tell you about where you are blocking yourself, why you’re not fully booked, and the different self-sabotaging tendencies that you might be having. Think about it. Would you pay for this? What would you pay? Be honest. Like, think about that. Think about it right now. I’m just curious what you would do.

The final one. Number seven, you’re not seeing the long game of nurturing. I kind of just tapped on that. Right. You’re only focused on the people who are booking today. And it can take people months or even years to trust you.

Excuse me. That was a good release from you guys. I can feel the energy shift. It’s like, oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah.

And think about your own buying patterns. Think about people who you’ve trusted or bought things from. Like, did you just see them once and you’re like, I’m buying from them the end. Right? Or do you wait to see like, are they proven?

And I’m going to tell you something. Having an online business, everyone is skeptical of you, right? They see you or if you run ads, God forbid, they’re like, are you even legitimate? You’re probably not. It’s phony, right? Everyone is such like they’re so suspecting to like whatever you’re doing. So you really have to show people.

The good news is, if you know what you’re doing and you are the real deal, it will show very, very quickly. Same as if you’re not.

Although I’ve seen people who are like kind of full of it and they still have like mega fans and followers who are kind of hypnotized. And there are also people who use hypnotic language to literally hypnotize their audience into buying, which is another topic for another day. I’m not going to talk about that today.

But I will say this is your visibility and dropping those little crumbs, those little nuggets, the collaborations, the podcast, the videos, the classes, the meditations, whatever tapping scripts, whatever you’re doing are these little trail, this little nugget, bringing Hansel and Gretel right to the cottage, the cabin, whatever that was.

Tracy, you said stress over charging their whole life over 1% needle move.

Yeah, it’s it’s the transformation. But you know what? When you start to understand what you do and how you do it and different from everybody else, it’s going to make that a whole lot easier to communicate.

And that is actually something that we’re going to be talking about in the leadership series is being able to clearly articulate what you do, who you do this for, and why it matters right now. These are the most important reasons that people will or won’t buy from you.

I had this really funny. I was on Instagram and I saw this really funny audio clip and I was like, But it’s like, I don’t know. And it’s like a mumbling and like, this is how most transformational healers describe their work. It’s like gargling gook.

And oftentimes you’re adding in your toolbox. And I use Oracle cards and ice crystals, and then I use somatic body release and pressure point and trigger a da da da. And like, you’ve already lost people.

You don’t go to the mechanic and you’re like, Tell me which wrench are you using? What diagnostic tools do you use? How long is this going to take, for one thing, to the next thing? To the next thing, right?

But we don’t look at ourselves as healers and coaches in the same way. We’re like we need to justify our prices. So we tell them the 900 certifications I’ve just earned, which is why I’m charging 30%.

Undervalue what I should be charging.

I won’t keep going on that one.

Okay, so let’s get into some of the self-sabotage.

So number one and I want you just to drop the number if it resonates. So number one, if you were successful, then who would you be? It’s like you’re a stranger to yourself. Like for me, I was this broke healer or a very long time. Embarrassingly long. Not embarrassing. I’m not embarrassed by I had to go through that so I could do what I’m. Doing today to say to you like, Hey, if I can do this, then so can you.

I mean, I’ve been doing this for 23 years and 15 of those years I was struggling, I was broke, I was barely making it. And so if I can turn everything around. And now help tens of thousands of people all over the world. I think you can too, like it’s possible. Okay.

And I think that’s part of it is an identity shift is like, oh, my God, I’ve always been broke. So then like, who would I be? Well, like some like, wealthy lady? Okay, now, what do you believe about wealthy people? Ooh.

And there’s, like, so much digging and so much that can come up to the surface when you start looking at these issues. This is not just mindset work. This is the energy work. This is also bringing the unconscious or subconscious up to the conscious reality.

Number two, drop a tune if this is you. How would your friends, peers or family members look at you differently if you were successful? Put it to an if you think about like, wow, that hits home.

Like with my friends, you want to be friends. I mean, like we’re always talking about how poor we are. We’re always talking about this. We would have so much, so little in common if I was suddenly, like, super wealthy and successful. Hmm.

Number three, what would be expected of me? If suddenly I had tons of money? What if I had so much money and free time? What in the actual world would happen? You know what would actually happen? That’s number three. What would be expected of me?

Number four, drop four if this is you. Can you even maintain success long term? So that’s another one, like. All right, so maybe I can have, like, one thing sell. But, like. Every month, every year, like, consistently, like, that’s a whole nother bag of worms. That means I’m going to be. Tracking my bookkeeping. That means I’m going to be tracking numbers. But if I’m going to have a team. What the hell? I have to make them enough money to have a team. That paid more taxes.

Okay. And number five, drop a five then. What if you become so successful that when you make a mistake, everyone can see you?

You’ve built this social platform. You know, first of all, everyone’s complained. You don’t have enough followers. My reach isn’t getting good. No one’s viewing me. Yeah, well, what if you suddenly did? What if you had a million followers and a million people on your email list? And then you’ve messed up. And then it was everyone seen you doing a face palm? Right.

We’ve all seen this happen to celebrities. They make a mistake and then everybody just tears them apart. And it’s now easier than ever because if you’re on social platforms, it gives people like these cool little digital soap boxes to stand on and point their finger at you and judge you. So you just can’t make a mistake. My gosh, what would happen?

Number six, what if your success makes your partner feel inadequate and they leave you? Oh. This one used to come up a lot with my clients. A lot. A lot, a lot.

Because there are plenty of relationships that may be slightly dysfunctional and codependent, and your partner makes more money than you. And that’s part of why you are together, because you kinda sorta need them to survive.

So what happens if you change all that and now you don’t need them? And then what happens how they feel about you? Because it makes them feel really insecure because suddenly your boss bitch. It’s a real thing, people.

I have had so many clients who literally that was at the root of why they would not play full out. That’s why they would not post consistently. That’s why when they had a good month, the next month, they would be flat.

It was literally because of that relationship thing that their partner made more money and they needed to rely on them. And if they made more money, it would change their entire relationship dynamics.

And they were not willing to do that because they were more and more invested in staying small and medium dependent on their partner in the relationship than they were committed to actually growing themselves personally, professionally, spiritually and financially, that they were more dedicated to their partner’s well-being and how they thought of them.

That is seriously messed up, but it is what happens and I was partially in that position too. I’m not going to lie like. When I started to really amplify myself online in my business. It brought up a lot of problems with me and my husband.

And you know, what would also happened, was it created a shift in our roles. And now I’m the breadwinner. My husband is basically retired. He’s living his best life as a farmer. And he kind of does like side work here and there when he feels like it. But like. I’m the breadwinner of the family now. But I used to not be. And it was significant of a shift, this big swing. So imagine what that did to our relationship. Fortunately, we’ve come through in a really positive position.

Now number seven, we have two more. What if your success puts you in a different financial situation and people begin asking you for money? Whoo hoo hoo! That is number seven.

What if you start being such a baller that people just are like, Oh, hey, Tracy and Edna and Cindy and Brandi, you have loads of money, so why can’t you give more to the PTA?

You should be able to give more to this charity. Or I need a handout because, you know I need a new car. You have money for a new car? Why don’t you? You being stingy. You have the money. You can afford it. I need a new house. I think of, like, the rock. And he’s like a gazillionaire. And he’s like. It seems like when I follow him, like, it seems like he’s always. Been another family member, another, like, mansion. It’s like, well, I mean, that’s his money. It’s your business.

But I think he also has the mindset like he wants to give back, but I’m sure is how they’re cousins and aunties coming out of the woodwork who are like, hey, you know, remember me. From when that time. Right?

Number eight. What if your taxes and health insurance go up? That is a sticker for me, too.

I know when I started making more money, I was in a low tax bracket and so I paid less for health insurance. And then suddenly things started to change and I was going gulp. And not only taxes and health insurance, but your bookkeeping costs go up, you know, like you’re going to have more transactions every month. This happened to me.

My bookkeeper reached out to me like a year or so ago, and she’s like, There is good news. Your business is growing. I’m so happy you’re having this exponential growth and like you’re doing the damn thing. You doing what you said you were going to do years ago when we first started working together. It’s so cool to watch you. Also now you’re in the highest bracket because you have so many transactions happening that we need to do more reconciliation. It’s going to take more time. So we have to up your charge.

It’s like, Oh. Okay, so it’s four times the price it was four years ago, which is a good thing. But I kind of wish that I wasn’t paying all that money right now. It is what it is, he said.

I’m kind of scared because if I’ll accumulate more debt. But you know what, Edna? You don’t have to be afraid of debt because here’s the thing about debt. You will always be able to make more money. You will always be able to make more money. And if you’re starting to really pay attention to the things I’m teaching you, you’ll have the strategies, you’ll have the intuition, you’ll have the connection to be able to make these sales no problem. So you can go, well, you know what? Maybe, maybe I had a slower month, but I have these different ways that I know I can generate money so I don’t have to panic and worry.

And I and I know that to be true because it’s happened for myself is like, you can come back to yourself to go, all right, so what are some ways that I can hit this unreasonable crazy-ass goal that I set up for myself? How can I innovate? How can I use my intuition? How can I lean into my soul, my client? How can I lean in and do some more research to see what people truly want for me? And I can take that hundred-dollar sale and suddenly turn it into a $300 sale. Whoa.

What would that do for me and my business?

And so, you know, debt is part of running a business, too. You know, when I started my business, I had debt, and today I have debt. So when I run Facebook ads. It’s a negative, right? Until the launch is over. And then all of a sudden, the money comes flowing back and I pay myself back. But, you know, it’s going to be that cycle and, you know, it will be okay. I hold retreats and every time I hold a retreat, I pay for the retreat house.

So that is a debt. But as soon as somebody joins that paid for the whole house, then I can invest in a chef and that is a debt. But as soon as another person joins, it pays for the chef. And I’m going to get gift bags. And I would have to invest in maybe hundreds or thousands of dollars in gift bags or other services or other extras or other activities. That’s a debt. And guess what? When people join, it pays for itself. And then I walk away as on top in the green, right. Or. The black, I should say. Right.

So I’m making money. But the first initial investment was a red, it was a debt, it was a minus, it was a, you know, deduction. So we have to understand that we can always make more money. We don’t have more time. So it’s important to use your time again. I’m going to say it again. You are the value. So if you are the most valuable asset in your company, you cannot afford to discount yourself. Okay. I hope that’s clear.

Anybody have any questions about the Intuitive Leadership series or about anything I just went over that was unclear for those of you who are on live.

My goal was that this was helpful, that you can now take action on it. You can start moving the needle forward in the areas that you know and you can start making some changes.

You’re interested in my retreats? Thank you very much. Cindy, thank you for proving my point yet again. So Cindy says, I’m interested in the thing that you don’t offer right now.

Basically, to me, I want that. Okay.

So this is how you start to do research.

There’s going to be Cindy’s in your life, too. Who go, Oh, I want that thing that you do that time. You know, somebody reached out to me. Oh, I thought, Are you going to be doing a live in person event? I would love to come to that. Okay. Right.

So if there’s enough of those people who want that thing, it makes it a no brainer to offer it. What do you want? You want to retreat? When do you want it? How? What do you want?

Included. Okay, great. Now, I just made a product here. Now you can buy it. Okay, great. I just bought it. That’s how easy it literally can be if you want it to be. And these are some of the ways that I had and do still grow my business. It’s a smart way to do it.

So I appreciate you all for hanging out with me for the last 46 minutes. Oh, my gosh. I was trying to be as fast as possible. But, you know, I can be a little long-winded when I get excited about something. And these are things that really light me up I’m very passionate about.

I’m truly here to help more transformational healers, coaches or other kinds of healers in different modalities, whether you’re a life coach, business coach, fitness coach, hair stylist. You said you’re an osteopath-like chiropractor. If you are doing services and you are a service-based business. I would love to still help support you in creating a profitable business. This is part of what I’m teaching in the Intuitive Leadership series.

And then for those of you who are like really action takers and wanting to dedicate yourself more in depth, my certification, the Integrated Energy Alignment Certification, is coming up right around the corner at the end of this month, the 26th, it’s going to reopen. That is the first and only energy-based healing modality with a profit guarantee.

And the reason why I guarantee the profit is because throughout the training, within the confines of the certification, you can make up to $1,000, if not more for some people. And that’s just within the certification. And then after the certification, you have the skill set in order to raise your rates and you’ll have the confidence to back up while you be increasing your prices.

So if you want to get on the waitlist, We are adding to the waitlist pretty rapidly. I’m taking a small group of people in the journey of that certification. You’ll get to start the certification when you join at the end of October, October 26.

You’re interested in the certification. All right. So, emilyaarons.com/iea, all these links are available at my website. If you just want to poke around, you’re welcome to do that. These are the direct links as well.

But the certification, it reopens on October 26, which is the same day of the Intuitive Leadership Series. We can talk more about that in the series and then it closes on November 11th.

Folks who apply early will be given all of the goodies. So from October 26th to November 2nd, that’s one week period. You’re going to get $500 off if you submit your application right away. So you might not be 100% sure you’re going to go through with it.

But if you’re feeling the call and there’s a resonance now, I would say get on the waitlist immediately. And then when you decide when the doors open, I would say get your application in as soon as possible. We’re only taking a limited number.

And again, that $500 discount goes a long way. For those of you who are in Mastery & Ascension, you will have an additional $250 off. So you can have if you’re an M&A member, you can have up to $750 off just for getting your application in early for the certification. So it is worthwhile to get on the waitlist.

And, you know, this is part of the certification as well. I’m teaching you how to create a profitable business because that’s truly what matters. I know you’re here to make an impact, but you also deserve to have income as well. So thank you all for hanging out with me so, so much.

Again, Intuitive Leadership series is emilyaarons.com/leadership/ and if you like to get on the waitlist or join the integrated energy alignment practitioner certification that is emilyaarons.com/iea and you can do that. Doors open October 26th for applications and they close October sorry November 11th 11-11.

So you guys, thank you so much for hanging out with me. It really means the world.

If you are an avid podcast listener and you are super geeking out about this episode, would you be so kind as to say something nice about it on iTunes?

Share it with a friend or otherwise. Just share on your social media and tell people you got to tune into this episode. You got to check out Emily or follow her, get on the email list, whatever. The more that you love it and enjoy these things, the more the love spreads. So pay it forward, hit the like button, hit the heart button or hit the share button and send it to somebody you care about.

Lots of love to you. Thank you for being here. Have a good one. I’ll see you on the next episode

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About Emily

Emily Aarons is a business alignment coach who helps entrepreneurs use their intuition to grow their businesses.

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with Suzy Haber Wakefield

My guest today is an expert in brand development, as well as a great example of an entrepreneur who left the corporate world to create a life that felt more fulfilling.

Suzy Haber Wakefield knew at an early age she wanted to work in design in New York and she landed an amazing job in lingerie and apparel design with Victoria’s Secret.

Her 16-year career allowed her to travel the world and gain such valuable knowledge of brand development.

As her job evolved, she felt too far away from the creation process and the impact she knew she could make if she opened her own business.

She left her Corporate job to follow a path to a more fulfilling work life.

If you’ve ever left, or are thinking of leaving, the career you once loved but now you know it’s time for something different – this is the episode for you!

Highlights you won’t want to miss:
  • [1.52] Suzy’s background in the apparel industry.
  • [4.59] How moving up can actually lead away from your passion.
  • [8.08] What it felt like to discover something was missing and finding out her current position didn’t feel fulfilling.
  • [16.14] Working seasons ahead, for any entrepreneur.
  • [18.18] Innovation comes in all shapes and sizes, even if you don’t think you’re a designer.
  • [20.20] People are incredibly clever about what they feel is needed in the world.
  • [23.04] Get out and meet more people!
  • [24.12] Suzy’s vision for her brand going forward.
”Click

Hey listeners, welcome back to the podcast.

Today is a special episode. I’m joined by a guest. Suzy Haber Wakefield is here with me today and we were lucky enough to meet on an entrepreneurial female entrepreneur networking group, which is really exciting. And I mean, I joined so that I could meet more folks like you, Suzy. And so it checks my box to have you here today.

But also, it’s a true honor to have you here because I know your story is really one that the listeners can relate to from being in a corporate career to shifting into more of an entrepreneurial career and all the things that kind of came to making that decision. So for anybody who here is listening, who is still in a corporate career or transitioning to work for themselves, I think this episode is going to be one you’re going to want to listen to again and again.

So let’s dove right in. Suzy, please let the listeners know who you are and what you do in the world.

Hi, I’m Suzy Wakefield, and my design studio creates lingerie, swim and apparel to support brands that want to get their vision out into the world. So a lot of what we do is work with emerging brands or brands who are looking to extend category in the fashion space to be able to create an end-to-end concept, from concept and garment design to fitting it through, getting it produced. We love what we do.

That is so cool. I have one friend who has created an apparel line and it took her, I mean, from the time I met her, she’d already started the concept to when it was first actually produced about two years. Is that pretty average?

It is, especially for products that I specialize in, which are bras, underwear. The closer something is to the body, the more typically complex it is. And it’s hard for people because it’s like speaking a new language. Yeah, there’s it’s very decision-heavy. So if people need some guidance and need some help to really understand what are big decisions and what are small decisions and what is something that you can just launch the learn with?

Yes, I really love that. So and I also want to just quickly see this, that we’re going to include a link to the ultimate sort of brand development workbook. So for anybody who has a collection in mind, something that’s been on your heart and you’re wanting to bring it to life, this workbook is literally 20 pages. It is so detailed.

Even if you’re not thinking about creating a collection, I think you should download it because it’s going to help you to refine who it is that you’re talking to. And it has so many great details to see, like, you know, their mood and they’re like, there’s just so it’s so beautiful. So I definitely want to make sure that I mention that you guys can check out the link in our show notes. It’s completely free for all of our podcast listeners.

So because you’ve had this incredible background that you’ve learned the language, you’ve been, you’ve been in design for a very long time and sort of translating this new language to people who’ve never been exposed to it is like you have a full degree in it, so now you can share some of that knowledge and experience with people. So you’ve gone to art college and you kind of took that path into more of a corporate career, is that correct?

It is. It is. I actually grew up in Alabama and I, from the time I was little, knew I wanted to be a designer in New York City. And I came up to art school. I went to Rhode Island school design, which I picked because it was more of a fine art school that had a fashion degree. So then I moved to New York and eventually I started working for Victoria’s Secret. And I was very lucky that I originally got hired into what was at the time a think tank technician. So anything that I ever designed was for Victoria’s Secret.

But there were people who designed accessories for other brands within the corporation that were graphic designers. So it just it opened up my eyes to, first of all, that the many, many aspects of creating that people could create perfume bottles and people could create scents for those bottles and lotions. And it was a great experience because we were elbow to elbow with various creatives and it really planted the seed for years later being an entrepreneur on my own, because I what I discovered was I really loved working on various projects and through my career. They’re about 16 years. I was very lucky to learn as I travel the world, to be able to go see factories and see what innovations they were working on and these amazing people who were artisans in their own right, and then be able to take that knowledge to eventually go out on my own and help founders.

So what really gave you that itch to go out on your own? I mean, I know some people work for a corporate company and they just can’t stand their boss and they’re like, I can do better on my own. And then there are people who just have that hunger. Like you said, growing up in Alabama, you always knew you want to be a designer. As a kindergartner, I remember I knew I wanted to help people, but I thought maybe I would go in to be like a doctor. Because when you’re six years old, you don’t really know much about healing modality.

And so you always had that hunger. I always had that hunger. And I know many of our my listeners have that desire that that seed’s already been planted. And so even from a young age, you knew what you wanted to do, that maybe was it the corporate career wasn’t quite getting there for you and you wanted something more?

Well, exactly, Emily. So what I realized was I was lucky enough to move up the chain, and I got more and more people to manage, and I got further from the product. Yeah. What I really missed was being hands-on and, being in the weeds of the creativity versus managing a lot of people and the corporate ins and outs of volume building, which we were, which was fantastic. But it’s also groups that you’re looking at more of the corporate aspects than you are touching fabrics and working on products. And I felt like my gift was the impact that I can make on product. And creating versus what might have been a gift to be able to lead people but it wasn’t I wasn’t filling my well.

Yeah, I understand that. And for some people getting further away from touching fabrics and that textile connection might be ideal. Like, okay, I’ve put in my time and I, and I don’t want to have to work so hard anymore, but for you is like, no, that’s actually what brings you joy is being in that close-up belly to belly, as they say sometimes, like really being in that close-up position.

So what was that conversation like in your head when you really knew that you wanted to make that transition away from the corporate and to get closer to the actual product design and all of that? What was that conversation like?

It was tough because I mean, in a way, it was a decision that needed to be made because I was living in New York City with my husband and two young kids, and I was traveling six weeks, two months, a year. So there were also some calls of family realizing that I wasn’t really being filled in what I was doing day to day and I wasn’t being fulfilled and seeing my family as much as I wanted to. And it just seemed like something should be able to open up about this and the fact that I had always been. Told and felt lucky because I knew what I wanted to do. The older I got, the more I realized there’s a lot of people who go to college and have no idea what they want to do. And from such a young age, I did. But it didn’t. It was starting not to feel like. That was that I was really doing what I love to do, so I needed to recalibrate and I really needed to rethink what were the aspects.

\And so I actually left Victoria’s Secret to go back to a company I had worked for before, I guess because I got the opportunity to work with licenses to design for Kate Spade, Ralph Lauren again with tons of people.

But I really thought, well, maybe I just need a change of something that I keep learning. I mean, certainly there were so many smart people that I worked for and with over the years, but I felt like I’ve been there so long, at BS that I was learning from my own mistakes. So I wanted to give myself a chance to say new environment and learning something totally different, and that really working with the licenses just cemented for me that I loved having that pseudo kind of client relationship. Like I loved collaborating with people in their vision and magnifying it and designing it and really showing them like what the seed of an idea could turn into. And for me, I mean, I’m so geeky that still to this day I get a garment in and I see it on a fit model and I get excited. It’s just one of those things that. I would recommend to all of your listeners really keep asking yourself: what is making you happy about what you’re doing? And what’s maybe not quite. And do that, you know, as tragic as it is, that simple list of: what do I like to do? What am I good at? How can I possibly combine these?

Yes. I love that. And even just hearing you talk about, you know, it’s a simple question of what am I good at? What do I like doing? But I think sometimes when we’re in a career, we don’t stop. It’s like you’re on a machine, like the motor is running and you’re moving forward. And like, you know, I have one of my best friends was on track. She was in a career in finance and on track to be a partner. And, you know, it’s like, what makes you go, hold on. That’s not really for me. I need to make an abrupt change. And those are the questions that we should be asking ourselves, even as entrepreneurs, because I think the same thing can happen.

I know for myself, I noticed at the end of last year I was feeling really heavy with some of my programs, my coaching programs, and I realized I needed to take a break. And when I stopped, it was only in stopping when I realized, wow, I had been putting so much time and energy and love into this program. I hadn’t even thought of it because I was just going on, going on, going with the motions. And it was like a six-month group and another six-month group with another six-month group. And I’m holding all this space for people not realizing how much space I’m actually holding and my energy is being expanded and going out to so many people. And when I stopped, it was like, oh, my gosh, like there’s here I am again, and we have to be able to call ourselves out on those things. And for me it was very lucrative, but I also knew it wasn’t quite aligned to me anymore.

So I think you can take this question whether you’re in corporate working for somebody else or you are an entrepreneur and apply it. So. Okay, personal question. Do you watch design shows on TV and how do you feel about them?
You don’t. I don’t watch them at all. I have a lot of good friends who do now. I watch home makeover shows. Okay. I like some of those. I don’t watch anything fashion related, but I’m a complete addict to runway shows. Okay. So I follow all the seasons of runway, but I don’t watch the people, but I’m not really a reality like right-hander in my in my home life. I’m a real a severe law and order person. You know, I love, like, something totally different than what I do.

Totally. I totally get that. And I ask that because as you talk about the fit, I’m like, I’m thinking of Project Runway and I’m like, okay, so I watch it and I’m not an artist. I’m not a does. I mean, I guess I’m artistic in my own right, but I’m not a designer. And, and I look at it from that vantage point as like a regular person, but not from a designer standpoint. And so I always wonder, like, is it difficult to watch those things? Like, I know comedians who don’t watch comedy or listen to comedy because it’s like they can’t even enjoy it sometimes. And or some comedians say, I don’t want to listen because it’s like, I don’t want my stuff to be influenced somehow by what I saw somewhere.

I think that’s just an interesting question. So let’s bring it into today where you have your business, where you’re helping people to create and build their own designs, their own collections. Do most of your clients come with sort of a concept in mind and you help to kind of fan the flames or help to develop it? Or do they sort of have this fully developed thing and you help to put it on into the market?

It really depends. It’s kind of all of the above. Some people come to me when they’re a season or two and it’s kind of like, come on, take me away. Like people can muscle through one season. And then when seasons start building because in a fashion and apparel development, you’re not finished with one before you have to start the other. It’s a long process. So with that decision-making and build-on gets too heavy. That’s when people will sometimes come to me or when they are starting to get feedback from consumers like, Oh, I might have a little bit of a problem.

And also sometimes people will come who just have the seed of an idea and they have either a life experience or a desire for something. I think other people will too. And that’s my favorite kind of founder, because when I get something across my desk for real that is new and different and that I’ve never heard of or thought about the need for. I get so excited. And that’s another reason why I love what I do, because I learned from my clients all the time about different aspects that often they come from a financial world. Like most people who come to me. Are coming from that need. But there they were not trained creatively and come from a different industry, so they think really differently and I often learn from them in other aspects. And for me that’s another reason why I started my business, because I just want to keep learning. I mean, even, you know, Emily, being a business owner is a work in progress. Learning all the time.

Oh yeah. And I think even what you talk about the seasons with fashion, I mean, I think of my own seasons like we’re talking about I have a certification course that’s going on right now and we’re already talking about like we’re not complete with this season and we’re already talking about what’s the next launch going to be, what is it going to look like? And painting that picture so we can prepare.

And I kind of giggle to myself just today because I look at my calendar, I’m like, what is time really? Because like it’s like we’re looking at these days of the week and the month. So I’m like, okay, this launch is happening here.

We have to plan for that season and we’re talking about April and it’s today is August 18th, you know, so it’s like we’re looking out in the future and really having to position and project ourselves in that way in our business, just like a fashion designer would have to.

And you mentioned creating unique designs, and it made me think of my friend Yara dela Torre and she’s a hairstylist and she’s in a wheelchair. And she’s actually a guest. She was a guest on the podcast. Beautiful. Oh, my gosh. She’s an amazing coach. And this incredible story that she was paralyzed from the waist down from a freak accident that happened. And she has since just exploded her business, not just behind the chair, but also in a coaching capacity and as a speaker. And isn’t. She is.

And so when we are on the podcast, we were talking she was talking about how she had to design her like belt, basically, that she could have access to all of her tools because now she instead of standing and she could just reach for them. She was seated and then she had to design a different style chair for herself to be able to work around. And so, you know, that shift in her led to innovation and she found a designer on Etsy who made like tool belts. And so she had to work with this Etsy designer to basically custom design a belt that she could wear, like almost like a sling across her chest.

And it has like all these different pockets and things for every single thing that she’s got. And then she has like an apron that covers her lap so she doesn’t get color on herself. Like it’s she’s just taken that next level of innovation.

And she is somebody that during the pandemic, I mean, talk about innovation like she had to shut down her brick and mortar business and she’s in Key West, Florida, should have shut the doors because everybody in, you know, shut your doors in the pandemic. And she got calls to all of her clients and asked if they would like to have like little sample hair, you know, products delivered. And during the pandemic, she started to make these little gift bundles and package them and sell them and hand-deliver them to all of her customers during the pandemic so that they could get their products or touch up color or things like that.

And she sounds incredible.

She is incredible! But like, that’s the thing is, like, you might she might not have thought of herself as a designer or even to even consider making her own collection for people who have disabilities, who are either in the hairstyling industry or elsewhere. But for herself, she innovated and she’s continuously innovating to make things work.

You know, she’s one of those people who doesn’t make excuses for why she can’t do something. She’s like, I’ll figure out a way. I’ll do it, I’ll get it done. And I’m sure in fashion there’s some of that too. Like people creative is like having a problem with certain, maybe fit or fabric or things like that that they say this doesn’t work anymore and I’m going to innovate to something else.

Absolutely. People are incredibly clever about what they feel the need for, and that’s the best kind of product because we just don’t need more T-shirts in the world. We need things that feel different and specific. And that’s what’s really going to create true followers. So I forget who the person said that, you know, you just need, what, 100 or 1000 followers? Yeah. Yeah. And it really is the case because. There just doesn’t need more. That’s the same. We need more. That’s different.

Yeah, I agree. And it’s interesting. I see, you know, especially with lingerie and swimwear of how shapewear is starting to kind of show up in them. Like I saw, you know, bathing suits that have shapewear built into them that people are like, oh, look, it does this and it does that and it has.

And, you know, like I worked for Athleta years ago as a manager and even they would come in and talk about like the performance of all the fabrics. And we need to understand it wasn’t just like a pair of shorts or a t shirt, like they had all of the stuff created really intentionally with the stitching, with the fabrics, with the colors, like so many things are so intentional, and from the design point you’re like, Oh, that’s great and functionality. But then when we’re customer facing, we have to be able to share that information to make it worth like, okay, why am I starting $80 on this versus I can get it here for 15.

Right? Well, that’s the great thing about the opportunity for direct-to-consumer is that, people can now put so much of that on their side and they can really point out to consumers, here’s what the fabric does. Look at the scene, look at how it’s melted, look at how it fits around your bottom. And to your point, so much of that is innovation that’s been done in fabrications and fibers and fabrics that just help us as designers to make even better product.

And so how long have you been sort of in the Wild West, in your own working for yourself now?

About five years.

Okay, great.

Yeah, it’s just evolved. It started with word of mouth that people in my circles saw my career. And then that’s another thing that I really love about it. And I would encourage all your listeners, I’m sure you know, Emily and what we were just talking about, the Entreprenista League, just get out and meet more people because networking doesn’t have to feel like it’s this arduous spring. It’s kind of like Brian Grazer, I read years ago, talked about how his whole career he’s done these curiosity conversations. And of course, he’s a director. He he doesn’t just keep them within the film world or the art world. He met with Elon Musk before, you know, back in the day he meets with scientists. It’s like you never know what interesting packed life will bring. So it’s kind of like just building out circles.

Yeah, I agree. So where do you envision your company growing to? And like, what’s I know for me, I’m always sort of reaching for that next thing. And I see in my mind, I have this vision for myself and my brand. Where do you what’s your vision for yourself and your brand?

I would love to keep growing and expanding and what we are doing now. I also can envision for people who maybe couldn’t take on me as a director or my team as directly designing for them, being able to create a mastermind where I could still help founders in a way that’s more approachable for them.

The other aspect that I’m really interested in is that I see from my clients, a lot of them get investment either because they are so driven and people who are investing see that they will definitely get over the yard line or they have such an interesting marketing spin on their idea.

What I don’t perceive from where I sit is that investment is always actually the credibility of the product. So I’d love to work with the investment community to help be an advisor in that way of kind of a green, yellow, red light. Yeah. To do it for them. But just to take my experience and give some guidance to, oh, you might need them to invest in a little bit more of a team here. Or perhaps the idea needs to be a little more unique. Like I, I feel like there’s a lot of ways that my experience could help. To fortify investments?

Yeah, very much. That’s so unique, too. I mean, like things that I’ve never thought of that I’ve never considered that. And it’s really interesting because, I mean, I’m sure people are looking at if you are looking at creating a collection, you would need a substantial amount of money from investment. And if you are on a board that you could give them that feedback that would be so beneficial to both parties.

I think so. So let’s see where it goes. I’m putting it out of the universe.

Yeah, you heard it here first. You guys heard it here first.

So again, I want to mention again the download that you can get with this episode, The Ultimate Start-Up Brand Development Workbook. You guys can come over to the website or whatever listening platform you’re on. It’ll be right there in the show notes. We’ll have links to that.

I’m also going to give a link to the episode with Yara because I honestly, off the top of my head, I don’t know what episode that is, but it’s a great one. As well as the Entrepreneur Easter League. I know I have inquired about affiliate links because I know plenty of friends who would be interested in joining that networking group and so far so good. I’ve had a blast that I’ve only been in for a short period of time and met some really lovely people.

And like you mentioned, that episode, this episode is, you know, it’s really about creating those relationships and being in new circles. And sometimes our passion can get a little small, so it’s good to get out a little bit. And, you know, I think this is evidence of it. Like this is a beautiful collaboration with somebody who I would have never probably normally cross paths before. So this is perfect.

So let’s let everybody know how they can find you and learn more about you, your website and Instagram handle so that they can also tag you as they’re listening.

Fantastic. On Instagram, Suzy Wakefield Designs all one word. My website is Susie-Wakefield.com and you can also find me on LinkedIn Suzy Wakefield.

Great. Perfect and we’ll have that was linked as well.

Thank you so much for being our guest today, Suzy. It was really a joy and really nice to have somebody on the podcast that does something a little bit unique but also has a message that people can hear themselves in your story of being inspired and being led internally to do that next great thing that feels amazing for them. So thank you for sharing with us today.

Thank you, Emily. It has been such a pleasure and I look forward to listening to a lot of great episodes you have.

Amen on that. All right. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Action Steps To Align Your Biz:

 

Get out and meet more people! Start networking and growing your business with help and support instead of trying to do everything on your own. You don’t have to go it alone.

 

About Suzy

After a 20+ year career in corporate fashion design, holding C-suite positions for world-class brands, Suzy began Suzy Wakefield Designs, with a mission to create and produce outstanding lingerie, swim, and apparel designs that bring a fashion founders’ vision to life.

You can find her here:

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For the past several months I’ve been noticing a few common mistakes happening that can block your intuition – ones that are easy to fix!

These mistakes aren’t just happening to people who are new to listening to their intuitive guidance, it’s happening to people experienced with this too.

To be honest, it’s hard to be in the world right now, with all we’ve experienced over the past few years, and not have it impact your energy system and your ability to access your intuition… and if your intuition is blocked, it affects the impact you’re here to make.

The good news is you can become more confident in your intuition with just a few small changes and that’s what I’m sharing with you today.

Highlights you won’t want to miss:
  • [2.20] That moment when you get a strong intuitive download and then the self-sabotage creeps in.
  • [3.42] If you keep the thoughts, you won’t be able to make the impact that you’re here to make.
  • [4.03] Why you should celebrate when your ego is showing up.
  • [5.16] What hustle energy and working harder does to your intuition.
  • [8.16] No amount of looking perfect can override when your energy isn’t aligned.
  • [11.02] The trending reason for your intuition being blocked.
  • [12.33] Ways to overcome the heavy energy of the collective right now.
  • [14.22] Simple shifts you can do daily to help you free yourself of this.
”Click

Hey, listeners, warm welcome back. I am freshly completed with the Intuition Month challenge. I know many of you joined me, and I appreciate your participation. Boy, did I learn a lot.

And some of what I learned through that challenge I’m going to share with you here. Unfortunately, there’s just a lot of stuff in the air globally that is happening that is making a serious impact on all of us. No one is immune from it. Not me, not you.

And so, I wanted to dedicate this episode to really going over the three biggest blocks that are keeping you stuck and not able to access your intuition.

You know, I think the biggest thing is, we have to understand that the constant second-guessing yourself is not something that you have to just live with as an entrepreneur. I have it too.

You know, I’m not immune, but you can actually become more confident using your intuition with a few small changes.

And I really wanted to record this meditation or this nah, this podcast maybe. I guess I’m going to put meditation together too. But I wanted to record this podcast to discuss these big mistakes that people are making.

What I’m seeing trends across the board, not just in my business, but what I’m hearing from other people’s online business, brick-and-mortar businesses.

And these are simple things that you can really a tune yourself to and then shift. So let’s get right into and I’ll share these three biggest mistakes. I’m seen with some solutions because I don’t want to just keep you leave you hanging here.

So if you’re somebody who struggles to trust their intuition, whether it is like, Oh, I’m getting a hit, but then I’m like, Wait a minute, was that right? And I know was it right?

Or if you’re somebody who has been listening to your intuition but you’re just like feeling some weird energy lately. This is a big one that I want you to really pay attention to this episode.

So, number one, the biggest mistake I see this has been happening for years. This is not a new trend. This is not hot. This is constant, which is when you get a brilliant idea for your business, it feels so good. And it’s like everything feels like, oh, my gosh, this is magic. It’s aIign, I feel expansive, feels like everything in your body is a hell yes. But then you almost instantly shut it down.

And the reason why you shut it down is you have these negative thoughts of imposter syndrome. Who am I to do this? Someone’s already doing it better. Who would ever pay me for that? How could I charge that? Or I’m not an expert. These kinds of thoughts have repetitively held entrepreneurs back, myself included.

So one of the thoughts that I used to have was, I’m a I have a horrible voice who would ever want to listen to me, who would want to hear my voice through meditation? It’s terrible.

And so you all know at this point you’re listening to my podcast, which is an audio platform. So apparently 400 plus episodes and it can’t be that bad.

And the foundation of my business is truly helping entrepreneurs to clear their energy blocks and unlock their intuition and connect with their soulmate clients, through the Mastery & Ascension Membership.

Now that membership is also based on my voice, those energy healings are me speaking. And so if I kept that thought, I have a horrible voice. I would not be here doing what I’m doing today, making the impact that I’m making.

And so we have to understand at the root of that fear that, you know, you have a brilliant idea, but then it gets shut down. It’s our ego.

And so when your ego is showing up. Number one, I like to say celebrate because it’s evidence of your growth. If you were not growing, your ego would not be there because your ego is just trying to keep things the status quo.

So the fact that the ego even shows up to tell you like rotten things about you and put these terrible ideas in your head that you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing, it’s like, Oh, I guess I am doing something. I guess I am growing, I guess I am expanding. And so that’s an opportunity to sit with that.

I want you to remember that part of what keeps you out of those thoughts is to have a tool that brings you back into alignment. So I know for me it’s a non-negotiable.

Like we just talked about intuition and like, I’m sharing these habits that keep me in alignment. And so when I have these, like, crushing thoughts, I know it’s just a thought.

And I have tools that I can clear my energy again and just come right back to my center of going, Yeah, I know who the F I am, so thanks for that thought anyway, ego!

I’m going to choose a different thought instead.

This mistake number two: you think that working longer hours and hustling, grinding it out is going to get you closer to your big breakthrough?

This is so wrong. And I know you know this and I know you’ve heard this before, but you cannot fake magnetic energy.

And sometimes we think we’re doing all of the right things, making the perfect Instagram reels, the perfect TikTok’s posting on a different social platform.

We’re emailing our lists.

We have all of the offers. We have a website with all the things, and yet something inside of you is off.

And you feel frustrated, you feel overwhelmed, your confidence is fading, and you try to just put on a smile and just like keep running things.

And maybe if you just put a little bit more time into it, it would work out. It just doesn’t work. And I’ve seen people at every level of the game, people who are just starting out trying to fake magnetic energy. I’ve seen people who are highly successful try to just like, you know, dial it in and we’re going to just grind it out here.

But you what happens and I know you have looked around, you’ve seen the people who have been the lead on the leaderboard. Let’s just say that way, the people who, you know, in the online industry saying, hey, guess what, I’m burnt out, I’m selling my business, I’m no longer offering this program. I’m getting out of this. You can get it’s like, a it’s like a fire sale.

Basically, they’re selling everything for nothing because they’re getting out. Because they cannot sustain that kind of business where they just push and push and push.

They can’t do it. And you already have seen it. This whole paradigm is changing.

So the good news, is that it’s actually one of the most common issues with entrepreneurs.

You know, you’ve seen everybody hustling and you’ve been maybe tricked into believing that you had to work hard to make money.

It’s been passed down through generations that you have to work hard to make money, and you cannot do your best work as a leader when you’re out of energetic alignment.

And I know many of you, probably all of you listening here at one point have seen me on Instagram or on Facebook or on my YouTube channel, kind of look in, you know, with no makeup, no hair done, no fancy clothes, just kind of showing up. And you have maybe felt the impact of the energy that I put out there.

What I get back is people saying, wow, Emily’s the real deal. Her energy is amazing. Wow, that was so powerful. I was brought to tears. I can’t even believe what just happened. This is incredible. My whole system. I feel this incredible improvement in my thoughts, my energy. I feel incredibly aligned after connecting with you.

And so I’m here to prove that you don’t have to put on makeup and have the best hair and the best cameras and the best lighting and all of that, because it doesn’t matter if your energy’s out of alignment. You can show up looking like I do sometimes.

Sometimes I really get myself put together. But there are just times where I’m like, I don’t have time. Like right now I’m recording this, but this, this. I keep saying meditation. I’m recording this podcast and I just had my team meeting. I haven’t done my hair and makeup. I just am here like, I got to share this. I got to share it right off my heart because it needs to be heard.

And so what you need to overcome this hustling, is to be surrounded by people who understand that, that model does not work. And that they are not going to subscribe to it.

I know for me, having some of my best friends who know how to rest, who know how to pause, who know how to wait. They’re not just struggling and like fishing and like throwing anything out there.

So this is an opportunity to understand how you can get into alignment with that rhythm inside of yourself.

And one of the things that I’m here to be is a guide. So whether it’s in my membership or my coaching programs or my certification programs, I’m not here to give you my ten-step plan of success, because I know it’s total B.S. It’s not going to work for you because whatever worked for me, even if you replicated it to a tee, which let’s be honest, most people can’t. But even if you tried to, it might not work for you.

And why is that?

Because I’m on my own life path and so are you.

So that’s why when you buy other people’s online courses and programs, most of the time you don’t even do it. There’s a 93% chance that you’re not going to complete it. That’s just a statistic. This is not a judgment.

Look at your online database. Like, what courses have you bought? Which ones have you completed? Had you do them 100%? How were their results?

Now there are plenty of it’s not against the course creator or the course itself, it’s just human nature.

And so that’s what most online course creators are leaning into, is like they’re going to know that they’re going to sell you this program and this promise, knowing full well you’re probably never going to even do it.

And why don’t we do it? Because of that mistake number two, we think we have to work harder. We don’t. We have the tools and resources, but we’re not even leaning into them. And so it leaves us strained.

And that leads me to number three.

This is the one that I’m seen trending, which is that maybe you’ve been feeling moody, energetically drained, exhausted, and you think you’re alone.

Now. You are not alone, friends. We are all experiencing this. We are all experiencing this global trauma we’ve been enduring for years.

And right now, more than ever, there are some very intentional thoughts being programmed into us on social media, in the news, in our families, and part of this collective consciousness, unfortunately. So even if you’re not really on social media, you don’t watch the news as you’re still tapped into the same collective consciousness as everybody else.

So you might be second-guessing your dreams and worrying about money stuck in constant fear. And this is just become a kind of expected norm. And I saw it in Intuition Month. I felt that in myself personally, and people have been affected in a very serious way. You might be one of them. In fact, I know you’re one of them.

And there’s some ways out, there some ways to overcome this for yourself personally, as well as helping your clients and community.

And I want to just say this. You’re experiencing that. And on top of it, you’re an entrepreneur. You’re just trying to help people. Right.

And you cannot help others when you’re feeling run down and lethargic. And trust me, I know this to be true.

And something that I have had to do myself personally is to clear some of this like parasitic type of negative energy off of me, out of my energy field, and understand that this is not me. These are not my thoughts. These are not my feelings. This is not part of me.

And really been demonstrative and really been adamant about that and really been focused on clearing my system. Because if I couldn’t do that, I would be sucked into that negative spiral. And it’s really hard to get out.

And so I think here’s the biggest problem, is that a lot of people don’t have the tools and resources to even realize that those are not your thoughts, your feelings, and those are not your emotions.

And you might be feeling energetically drained. But this is not have to do with you. This is something that’s happening on a global level.

But if you don’t if you think that it’s you think that your thoughts and you get sucked into it, you have no way out. It’s like you just sit and wallow in it.

So how are you supposed to be there for other people and help them when you’re feeling like this? You can’t.

So I have some tools I want to share with you to help you with this, because it’s my. It’s my soul’s purpose.

But I really believe there are simple shifts that you can do on a daily basis to help you to shift free from these feelings, as well as being able to be there to support others.

And I’m going to be teaching some of this stuff. And so if you are a coach or a healer now there are lots of coaches, right? Health coaches, wellness coaches, life coaches, mindset coaches, fitness business, aspiring to become one. You’re like, I really want to make a career change or healers. So there’s a lot of types of healers.

So if you’re an energy practitioner, Reiki, somatic, your meditation healer, you use crystals, you’re a yoga teacher or you do anything with tarot or Oracle. And this is also my hairstylist friends.

So you guys are going to be the most impacted. And so that’s why I’ve put together a workshop. It’s called the Intuitive Leadership Series.

And I believe what this leadership series is going to do, it’s a three-week series. It’s going to help you to break free from that broke stereotype.

The biggest challenge that coaches and healers are facing at the end of this year right now is that, like I said, people are experiencing significantly higher levels of stress, fear and anxiety, and they’re becoming afraid to invest in their health and well-being.

That means you could be out of a job. So I believe this is the best time. It’s ripe with opportunity.

You could totally explode into the new year, giving your soulmate clients hope for a brighter future when they work with you.

Unless you’re stuck in this heaviness too. And then you get, you know, you can stand out in a saturated market.

So in the workshop, I’m going to help you understand how to get yourself fully booked, how to stand out in a saturated market and some of the mistakes that might be depleting your energy and costing you money each and every day.

And so what I’m going to be doing as far as this workshop goes, I’m going to be hosting it live on Zoom on Wednesdays starting in October, and then the beginning of November. And as a podcast listener, I’d like to give you a special discount. The workshops are a very small investment. There’s about they’re at $37 a class. You get the bundle for 111. But because you’re a podcast listener, I’d like to give you a special coupon code. You’re welcome to use it for yourself. You’re also welcome to share it with a friend if you feel like they could really use this workshop as well. The link to learn more about the class will be in the podcast show notes.

You can you can also visit it right now emilyaarons.com/leadership, that’s emilyaarons.com/leadership and you can reserve your spot.

This workshop is live, and my promise to you is that I want to teach you how to have these simple shifts that are going to double your income in the next 30 days or less.

And I mean this promise because I am here to help a new generation and part of my work, which is also terrifying, I’m going to admit it, is that I’m here to break the paradigm that I was once a victim to, which is the broke healer stereotype.

And if you have been suffering, not getting fully booked, not getting the right clients, not having enough money, getting stuck in some of these mental traps like I was talking about fear, anxiety, stress, feeling yourself kind of just sucked down. This workshop is going to help you break free.

And the reason why I’ve made it very affordable, very low cost, is because I believe everybody deserves to have this. I’m not making it free because the free stuff I do, people don’t show up, but they don’t take it seriously. And this is not for those people. This is for people who are ready to do something and take action.

So again, it’s emilyaarons.com/leadership. You can use the code BOSSFRIEND30 all in one word – BOSSFRIEND30 at checkout. That’s going to save you 30% off.

So you will get this workshop at the lowest rate available. Unless you’re a Mastery & Ascension Member – if you are an M&A member currently, you will have a coupon code inside of the membership portal in your emails, in your Facebook group for 50% off.

So the reason why M&A people get 50% off was because they’re already investing in their well-being, they’re already invested in their alignment. And frankly, I like to give M&A members first dibs because they’re already doing the work. M&A members, you get your 50% off discount coupon code in your emails or Facebook group and the portal.

If you have any questions, you can always send my team an email, send me a DM, I’ll be happy to re send it to you, but I’d love to make this available to as many people as possible.

I want to be able to give you support. I want to give you some energy clearings through this workshop, and I want to help you to align yourself so this can be the best Q4 ever and the best Q1 ever. I really believe people need you more than ever. So again, it’s emilyaarons.com/leadership. Use the discount code to get 30% off BOSSFRIEND30. Get that checkout code right now.

The workshop begins at the end of October. So the first workshop is on Wednesday, October 26th. We’re going to dove right into a chakra clearing, removing blocks to get more abundance and start to open up from the energy level first. Right.

Like I said, that first couple of mistakes, you can’t just slap some makeup on and think that you’re going to be okay. Right. We’re going to start at the root of the problem.

The root of the problem is your energy is out of alignment. We got to clear whatever is blocking you. We’re going to get you on your right path.

The next week, we’re going to go on a vision quest. We’re going to open up so that you can have your intuition lead you to have a solid plan in any economic climate.

Okay, so your soulmate client is going to give you important information. This is not part of my ten-step plan. No one can give you this. Only you can give yourself this. But I will guide you. I will guide you on this path for you to get the answer for you. Okay.

That’s on November 2nd, the final week, November 9th. We’re going to be creating your soulful signature offer and create all the marketing and strategy around that. I promise you this will be live, this will be interactive, this will be fun.

Every single week you are going to have another piece of your puzzle completed so that you can finish off this year feeling your best, attracting the right clients, and not feeling like you’re sucked into this funnel of negativity and heaviness.

So again, emilyaarons.com/leadership use discount code BOSSFRIEND30 for 30% off. It has been a joy and a pleasure. I would love to continue helping and supporting you through this time and beyond. I love being able to be here for you. yAnd you know what I understand?

Sometimes it’s just not in the cards to invest in yourself. And I get that sometimes people get stuck in the fears that we were talking about and it’s you’re too afraid, right? It’s like, oh, my gosh, I have to hold on to everything I have. But understand, as a business owner, these are investments. You make the investment upfront for your growth later.

And so I will tell you that no matter the times I’ve invested in myself, it’s always proven to be very fruitful, and especially when it’s coming from a place of highest integrity.

So I’ll see you guys in there. Again, emilyaarons/leadership. Use the BOSSFRIEND30 for 30% off and feel free to share that with a friend.

Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for all your positive reviews on iTunes and warm welcome to all of our newest listeners. Thank you for being here, lots love to you will see you on the next episode.

Action Steps To Align Your Biz:

 

Take a pause. Try these simple shifts to free yourself of the heavy energy of fear and scarcity currently in the collective.

 

About Emily

Emily Aarons is a business alignment coach who helps entrepreneurs use their intuition to grow their businesses.

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With Abbe Feder

Abbe Feder is an entrepreneur and an expert in the field of infertility. Going through this experience was her greatest challenge and yet, it birthed a business where she feels she is helping so many women and living her purpose.

I wanted to bring her on the podcast for two reasons. One, because so many of us know someone who is struggling with fertility, or you may have gone through this yourself, and it’s helpful to know what to say to others and that support is out there.

And two, it’s such a great example of our challenges and frustrations turning out to be what we can most help others with!

Everything you’ve struggled with may be just the thing you’re meant to teach. I hope you feel inspired by Abbe’s story and her ability to share it so vulnerably. When one person shares it inspired others to do the same!

Highlights you won’t want to miss:
  • [3.52] With an entrepreneurial spirit from an early age, Abbe shares her journey.
  • [4.52] Her struggle with infertility and not believing this was her story.
  • [7.57] How to support your friends struggling with fertility.
  • [15.15] The fears during her pregnancy once it finally happened.
  • [16.20] This is where her “woo” came in to help with the difficult decisions.
  • [18.51] From her podcast, her business was born because people needed information and help.
  • [22.27] “I know without a doubt I went through this to help other people”.
  • [25.00] If you’re facing insurmountable odds, if you’re stuck, these stories can help you know that you can get through it.
  • [33.30] Why it’s so important for us to tell these stories.
”Click

Hey, listeners. Welcome back to the podcast. As you know, I have reduced my number of episodes, but what that also means that the people I bring you as guests are unbelievable. And so I am here today with Abbe Feder and I met her, I guess we met on Instagram. That was the first way we felt we connected. Abbe is an entrepreneur and she is a specialist and expert in the field of fertility. And what’s really cool how we also connect is she has her own Oracle deck as well, which is gorgeous. And so I wanted to bring her on for a couple of reasons. Number one, because my audience, you guys are primarily female entrepreneurs, so you all have that in common. But also, whether you personally have gone through fertility issues or, you know, somebody who has or does or is or any of those past, present or future, it’s good to have people in your corner and especially people who you can trust, who you feel a connection to. And that’s why I want to have Abbe here today. So warm welcome. Thank you for being here.

Thank you, I’m so happy to be here. And we met actually on Instagram because I heard you on the Kelly Roach Show. And I would be totally honest, I listen to her all the time. She has like multiple episodes a week. I’ve never, like, immediately reached out to one of her guests. But I just loved you. You like me, like you we’ve in a dichotomy kind of like you have the business and you have the woohoo. And I most people don’t know that about me, but I also have the wooo! I think people for you, like see the wooo right away, right? They show spirituality and for me, they see more of the business person first. But beneath it all, I do have a very deep connection to spirituality and will sell. I was like, I must reach out to her like she and I, there’s just so much in common. And we just clicked right away and I’m so happy to be here and support each other’s business because I think what you do is just phenomenal.

Thank you. And another great recommendation that Abbe gave me was the Entrepreneurs League, which really all in the I’ll link it in the show notes if you’re interested in a networking group with female CEOs, I mean, so far so good. I’ve made some wonderful connections and I really just so appreciate that, that referral so.

That it works. Yeah.
So let’s dove in because you know, Abbe, you had a podcast as well. You’ve since sold it and you know, you’ve grown your business, you’re doing primarily coaching. And so let’s just kind of roll back a little bit in time, you know, which came first? Did you start your journey as an entrepreneur and you are wanting to get pregnant? Like, tell us a little bit about your backstory.

I’m one of those people that’s kind of always had an entrepreneurial spirit. And third grade I had like I lived in Manhattan, New York City, and I had like a, it was called chat because unlimited like tchotchke is, is a Yiddish word for like junk, basically. And I just, like, sold stuff on the street. Like, I just I’ve I’ve always babysat, so I’ve always loved the idea of monetizing for good, whatever the case may be. So my background, honestly, I’m a behavioral science. I have my bachelors is in behavioral science. So somewhat related to the mental health fertility space. But I really got a degree to get a degree and then I always wanted to pursue acting. And so I did go to grad school for acting. And even within the acting realm, there’s so much entrepreneurial business stuff that has to happen that many creatives are not good at. And I was always very good at that.

The marketing, that keeping in touch with people, the relationship building. And so I feel like every facet of my life I found a way to make it entrepreneurial. Of course, I waited tables like many actors do, which I loved. And to this day, like if I if it weren’t so physically taxing, I would still do. Because what it taught me was there’s always ways to make more money, right? You can always pick up a shift. You can always cover for someone. You can always work a double. And I think there was something I really wanted. I would just have a way, right, a way to just hustle a little bit more and make extra money. Yeah. And I think that I feel like everyone in life should wait tables or work in some kind of customer service or commission based business to get that understanding, because I really do. So many people are married to the idea that like you work the 9 to 5 and you make a set amount of money and that’s it. So what can you do within that amount of money? I just always feel like there’s always a way to make more. Yes. So all of that sort of informed my entrepreneurial spirit. And then when it came time to get pregnant and we weren’t getting pregnant, that took precedence over everything. I was so miserable and so unhappy and so depressed and so just surprised. I just kept feeling like, how is this my story? I, I don’t understand. I did everything right. I took care of my body. I married a great guy, and. So whatever else was going on in my life took second fiddle. It was like, you know, sometimes trying to get pregnant is like a full time job. And that’s I would imagine.

Yeah. And that’s what I’ve seen in my girlfriends who’ve gone through various ways of, you know, trying to get pregnant. It is a full time job. And not to mention, if you go the route of IVF and all the doctor’s appointments and the injections and the pills and like it is so taxing.

It’s so taxing and it’s so freaking expensive, right? It’s like.
Yeah.
So it’s like I didn’t have the stamina or desire to work in any way, but also I needed to find a way to pay for fertility treatments. It was just it was brutal. Yes. And so we went through it for many years, some without medical help. And then once we got on the medical bandwagon really far into it, a crazy amount of time to do it like we did for eyes for a retrievals and transfers. So total like 16 depending on how you look at it.

Wow.
I know. And again, even when I say it, I’m like I just can’t believe that was my story. And just spoiler alert, we did end up on the other side with twins, but we were told it would probably never happen for us biologically. So they are really miracles.

Okay. Hold on, please. Okay.

Rewind

When someone when a medical professional tells you it’s probably not going to happen. What does that feel like?
Just know. Just know. I was just like, no, that’s not. That’s not our story. It’s just not our story. And I know that sounds so crazy and like. Faith does not work for everyone. But I knew in my gut we were going to have biological children. I didn’t know for sure that I would carry them. But even based on my medical look, what was going on in our in our particular journey, we were making embryos. So that wasn’t the issue for us. And I was like, if we are making embryos, we are having a biological child. I don’t care what you say to me like we are doing this and I love my fertility doctor to say that I had a few, but the one that I ended up with. I mean, she literally looked at us and was like, you know, if you want to do this again, we can. But I don’t really know why you’re doing it again.

Wow.

And I was like, okay. Like, by this point, we had started what is now the podcast. We weren’t sure what it was going to be at the time. We were just so sick of what everyone in our life was saying to us. You know, just relax. Go on vacation. You can’t be 15 rounds into a medical treatment and then, like, go on vacation and get pregnant. Sure. Does it happen to some people? Yes, like lucky them. But that was not what was going to happen for us.

What were some of the things that like were very like particularly triggering? Ah, like angry. Like so people know what not to say because I feel like there’s a large volume of books that need to be dedicated for like stuff don’t ever say to people trying to get pregnant right now.

And if you’re ever, like, on the fence, should I or should I don’t, or reach out to me first and be like, is this okay? So one of the first things I remember, like after my first round of IVF, one of my husband’s friends was like, you know, once we started trying, every other day it happens. And I’m like, okay, buddy, do you understand? We’re doing, like, medication every day. Like, every other day is not going to do it for us. So really, in general, that goes to like don’t make suggestions for people. Just don’t just don’t make suggestions, just be a safe space to listen. Right. And I always say, like, honesty is the best policy. So if you don’t know the right thing to say, then you say, I truly don’t know the right thing to say. I just want to be here for you.

Yeah, that goes miles.
So much. I think people are quick to it’s like the awkward silence, like.
Yes,.
I don’t. And so they fill the space with a suggestion because it’s like a knee jerk reaction, like, oh, I’ve hurt my elbow. Oh, you hurt your elbow. Have you tried icing it? You know, did you try wrapping it or have you looked at it with a doctor? Like, we know like three things basically to give anybody suggestions with. But if it’s outside that realm, it’s like, I don’t know. So really erring on the side of just holding space for people is really the most important, impactful thing that you can do.

Exactly. And that’s really and don’t like saying nothing is also not great. Right. So I think a lot of people felt they were doing the better thing by saying nothing. But again, I go back to like, let’s go to the truth, which is, you know, last time we talked, which was six months ago, you are going through IVF. I see you’re not pregnant or I see like I don’t know the right thing to say, but that must be really hard. And I’m here for you, you know, just acknowledge it, you know?

Right. Or did you notice that people like distance because they didn’t know the right thing to say? So they’re like, this is awkward. I’m just going to, like, put my head into a hole and step away.

They, like, disappeared from our life because they didn’t know what to do or say. And they were having babies and they knew we were trying at the same time that they weren’t. So they would literally just disappear. And like that is really what the catalyst was for our podcast, because we couldn’t go after these people and say, Let me tell you how you’ve been shitty, you know what I mean? But we needed a place to talk about it. And so someone was like, Just grab a recorder. I don’t know if it’s going to be a podcast, but just sort of talk about it. And we did and it became like our sort of de facto therapist. We would talk at night about the things that really hurt us during the day. We would record phone calls from our nurses and our doctors and we didn’t know what it was going to be. We just it felt like an imaginary friend that was in it with us, you know?

Yes.
And so, lo and behold, it did gain some attention, just the raw footage. We were very lucky. We were connected to a wonderful podcast company called Star Burns Audio, and they had nothing in the space and nothing in the realm. And they just loved the idea. And and so they were like, we want to produce this for you as an actual podcast. And so they did, and that’s how it all started. And at that point, we had just been told that it probably wasn’t going to happen for us ever. Wow. And so we were like, we need a place to talk about the grief that one carries for life when your family doesn’t turn out the way that you’ve thought that it would. That was really how it all started.

Yeah. And so it was both you and your husband the entire time you had the podcast. And it’s almost like it kind of reminds me of journaling, but you’re kind of like co like writers, but you’re, you’re, it’s like an audio journal essentially of documenting your process and everything that you experienced.

Exactly what it was.
And so once that podcast company kind of picked you up, both you and your husband were told this news like it’s not going to happen for you. Was there any part of you that was like, what, we should just not sign with this company?

I mean, no, almost more drove us to want to talk about it more because I didn’t ever hear people talking about what it feels like to process that grief on a daily basis. And by the way, this was like before podcasts were as much of a thing as they are now, right? I love and also specifically the art. There are now a lot of infertility and fertility podcasts out there.

Totally.

And ours was one of the first, which I love. And ours is not about like interviewing people about their stories. It is literally our actual story in real-time.

Wow. So very unique. Very like, just so raw, so authentic and super.

Yeah. And so. Yeah, like, that really fueled our fire more to do the podcast. And then along the way, we did kind of our Hail Mary rounds of IVF and we got pregnant with multiples.

Wow.

And even our podcast producers were like, are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Like, they could not. They’d been through this journey with us.

Yes.

And so then our pregnancy, of course, wasn’t easy because God forbid it ever is. And we ended up having to do a termination for medical reasons and all of these things that really I feel, especially now, given the state of our political country, need a space to be talked about and.

Totally.

Giving a human face. So we talked about all of that and it’s all out there. And like that podcast company had a relationship with Audible and Amazon and then Audible and Amazon decided they wanted to buy the exclusive rights to the podcast. So that’s where we really that’s where we really sold it like we had sold us. And then, yes, our friends helped us really sell it to Audible. So.

Wow. And you know, so when you first start out, you were pregnant, you share the news. I mean, there are so many different areas of thought on when do you share the news? Myself and one of my close girlfriends, we are both of the mindset of like, Listen, if I’m pregnant now and I lose my baby, I like to have the support.

Yeah.

To talk with about that and not to have this like dark secrets that I keep by myself. And I think this only perpetuates why we have so much trouble talking about miscarriages or infertility or even terminating pregnancy is like it’s like this taboo topic. We know nobody talks about it, but yet there are millions of women suffering every day who are going through loss and have no one. They don’t feel safe to be able to share that publicly.

I think, you know, is really, really awkward because our podcast actually didn’t come out until about three weeks before I was due. So I was very pregnant and people were hearing it and didn’t know it was kind of a cliffhanger, so they didn’t know that we’d gotten pregnant. Gotcha. So there was like the coming out publicly and then the coming out to our close family and friends. And honestly, pregnancy after loss and pregnancy after infertility is a whole special kind of trauma. Because I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy at all. I was terrified every single day that the other shoe was going to drop and it wasn’t going to become true, especially with multiples. I was like, okay, well, at least if something happens to one, I’ll probably still have one. I mean, these were the games as I now.

Oh!
I know.
To have those kinds of thoughts on a regular basis for.
For 40 weeks. I mean for 37 weeks.

Yeah.
So yeah, I really I mean, I told my close family and friends, I still waited until after the first trimester, not so much because of loss, but because we knew we had to terminate. So we got actually ended up getting pregnant with three.

Wow.

And they were given like a 90. I was given like a 97% chance of miscarriage if I carried all three because I was about I was almost 40. It was just because IVF, you know, ups your chances of miscarriage. But the fact that three made it to a larger state, like to a big state like a far stage was insane because we had lost so many already.

Yes.

And now this is where a lot of my wooo came in because. You know, I work with somebody here who’s an amazing, intuitive energy person and. I really needed help. First of all, deciding which one to terminate. I know that sounds horrible, but, you know, there’s a whole medical process you go through to figure it out and. You look for any possible sign that there might be one that you know, should be the one. But it was brutal. It was torture having to make that decision. But I have an amazing. Her name is Gillian, and she really helped me. This is so crazy, but I’m just going to go with it. Like throughout my pregnancy, there was a solar spirit that was trying to get through me. And I firmly believe still that that spirit was that third baby. And I was meant to I mean, I still to this day, call that baby, my angel baby, because that baby having to say goodbye to that angel baby brought me to my family that I have now.

Absolutely.
So so yeah. I mean, I didn’t tell people mostly because I wasn’t sure if I should say I’m pregnant with three or two or if only one was going to be able to make it. It was like such.

Oh, my gosh. Like holding your breath and not I can’t even I mean, these are impossible decisions for people to make. I mean, as entrepreneurs were like, do we have a painful or multiple?

What do we do?

Totally, totally.
No other repercussions. And I, you know, in my business, I say to my team all the time, when we have decisions like, listen, this is not no one’s going to die here. We’re just selling meditation. It’s going to be okay. You know, we kick ourselves too seriously sometimes. But these are these are really life and death conversation. And they’re impossible they’re impossible decisions to make.

They are.

And so you do have to dig in deep and you have to go into your heart, into your soul to find those places. But then you go, okay, so something has to happen. And I, I fully got chills when you said, like, your angel baby, you helped to bring your two kids into this world, which hundred percent. I mean, just to be safe again, I get full chill.

When you said you got them, I got them, too. I know, but I truly believe that. And that’s where I’m grateful that I do have some sense of spirituality and energy and universe, because it really helped guide me in this particular moment. So yeah, that is sort of that’s like my story. But from the podcast, that’s how my business was born, so to speak, because people just started reaching out to me all the time. What do I do? Thank you for sharing. Here’s my scenario. Do you know a doctor? All these things. And I was like. There’s such a need for a connector of the process and the emotional piece. It’s not a therapist, right? It’s not available for 50 minutes at 3:00 on Tuesday and maybe has never been through it. But somebody who truly understands what you are going through, it can help shepherd you through the emotional, the physical, the financial of all of it. That is how InCircle is born.

So was InCircle born sort of in parallel to your children being born?

It was born like, you know, I didn’t know. None of us know what motherhood is going to be like, right, until you experienced it. But I truly didn’t know. I kind of assumed since it had taken me so long, I was going to want to be with them like every minute of every second of every day and like never work again. And like a weekend I was like, Oh God, I don’t know if I can be home. I don’t know if I can do this, you know, because again, when you have an entrepreneurial spirit that really just lives inside of you, you can’t do nothing.

So, yes, I will. And I will echo that as well. I’m backing you up right here.

Thank you.

My calling as an entrepreneur, just similar to you, has always been there from a very, very early age. My first business was when I was 22. When I finally did get pregnant, I was at I was, I think 32. And and I remember my my mother had come to visit one time and basically to talk to me about focusing as a stay at home mom and not on this little business and really encouraging me to like put this little business aside. And had I listen to her, I wouldn’t be here today, obviously. However, that year was the year I next my business.

I love it.

And by the end of the year I said to her, I’m taking November off. I’m celebrating this stuff. And she was like, No, no, no, you can’t stop now that you. I said, Listen, Mom.
I if I listened to you seven months ago, I wouldn’t be here today. So thank you for your advice. But until you are an entrepreneur in my shoes, I will not be taking advice from you. Thank you very much. Being like and I believe we can have both why we have been programmed to believe you can either this or that, but you can absolutely be a mother and have a successful business. And there are gobs of women out there who are massive, crazy, successful, and don’t work full time or who work minimally. And their businesses are just kicking by and they’re like, I guess I homeschool my kids now because like, I’m just making so much money. I’m just sitting here like, I should do something,.

Something right. I mean, great. Like, let’s both be then. That was what I think in, you know, I mean, this is so clear to me and most people I think that are probably your listeners because there are a lot of entrepreneurs. Being a mother makes me a better business owner and being a business owner makes me a better mother. No two doubts it, like no question about it. It’s just like all the things that are able to fill our soul can drive all the sides of our life.

So preach.

Yeah. So after. After they were born, I was like, I know without a doubt that I went through this to be able to help other people. Like it was just so clear to me.

Yeah.
And, and, yeah, it took a while to be, you know, I was still a mom of newborn twins and I wasn’t sure how what the model was going to look like. And so it took a while to become what it is now. But I have so much pride in being able to offer this service because I just so many women are entering the fertility space in a business capacity because we all are just like enough, enough of this horrible experience that we went through, like, what can we do to make it better and gain some control because it feels so out of control? Yeah. So that’s the beautiful piece about it.

I love that. And I want to say, you know, when we can kind of go through these dark nights of the soul, we can go through these hardships in our life. And you get through that place and now you’re here and you can look back and go, I knew I had to go through that so that I can help serve other people. And I think what’s really challenging for a lot of people is when we’re in these dark situations and these challenges that are like they’re taking us over to actually have the understanding, like, I might not see it now. I might not know it now. But this is this is happening for a reason. And just trusting that by itself, a lot of times we are in these difficult situations and we need to know what the end of the story is like. What is it all for? Why is it happening to me? But we’re not really gaining the benefits of being in it also if we’re trying to hurry up through it.

So totally agree with that.

I feel like if you are experiencing a dark night of the soul or you are undergoing a big challenge in your business, or you’re having issues with fertility or whatever it is right now that you’re up against and it’s hard and it feels insurmountable. I want you to hear Abbe’s story right now, too, and realize that if she has gone through all of this, which it seems like the people who I know haven’t gone through nearly as much as you also just going to put that out there. If she has gone through this, you can get through it, too. And it’s going to happen for a reason. And I think a lot of the reason why people are drawn to this podcast, too, is because there’s something in them that knows that they’re here to lead. And as leaders, you know, we’re here like bushwhacking. We’re like with a machete through like the jungle. There is no path in front of us. We are just trying to figure it out. And so there are times where there’s like a clearing that we can just be like, Oh yeah, I own this, I know what I’m doing here. But a lot of times we’re just like bushwhacking and we’re just like a few steps ahead of you, and we’re just looking back, going. We put our hand back on. Come on, this way.

Stick with it.

And so that’s it. It’s like, hear our stories and understand that you can also make it through to that next place if you’re feeling stuck or stagnant. There are ways through. And also I want to just reiterate, you reached out for help from multiple people, from all different places. And I feel like I’m seeing this a lot recently, which is like there’s two very distinct type of people, like people who want to just complain about everything bad in their life and then people who want to do something about it.

Yeah.

And you know, I think a lot of people could take the stance that especially again, if people are saying to you, medical professionals say, nope, it’s not going to happen, you could totally take that first road and be like, this is my life is is over. And I’m sure a lot of people feel that way and sort of stick in that place and like. Things just kind of happen around them, around this one issue. I think it shows such a strength of character in you that you could see this as like, this is not going to be my story. And just stepping up and going, I’m going to get through this. And now that you help guide other people through it from a place of walking the walk, that’s so empowering. And so when people reach out to you and they’re going, I don’t even know where to begin, who do I talk to? How do I get help through this? How did you do it? They’re hearing your story. Did you start working with people individually? Did you know that you wanted to do groups of people like and then like next, next like the carjack, like? Well, to get into that. But how did they kind of start to develop for you?

So I truly when I launched the business, I had a business partner we have since divorced amicably ish, but it just wasn’t it wasn’t a fit. But she was amazing at helping set up the business. I’m not an entrepreneur at all, and that’s sort of where you have to really follow your gut on that. You know, biggest tip, I would say entrepreneurially, but we would say you get two for one, right? Because you would we launched right before COVID and we pictured ourselves. We were like, oh, we’ll have like an office that looks like a therapy office and we’ll cry with people and, and, and then we were like, Oh my God, we can’t see anyone. What are we going to do? Let’s pivot. And so we started on Zoom. We started very slowly, and now we actually started by volunteering for an organization that pairs like Peer Mentors for fertility.
Wow.

Just to get the experience and to get some testimonials and to see could we really actually do this?

Yeah. And we did it one on one. Like, you know, I took a person and she would take a person or we were like, as we launch our business less and move it to zoom, let’s try to on one. And so that’s how it kind of started the two-on-one model that you get to coach is one patient and her story was very different than mine, so we felt like we had a lot of bases covered and then it just became like, well, eventually we’re probably going to do one on one because we don’t. We have a system now and we see what we’re doing. And, you know, we had. You could work with us for a year or six months or four months or three months or an hour. And it was like, No, that’s all too much. Let’s have one signature package. And for me, the signature package we were finding, even with four months, it wasn’t enough. And one of my strengths is relationship building. Like, I want to know that you’re committing to six months of going through this with me and I’m committing to six months of going through this with you. I really take my clients to heart. I want them to take me to heart. I want them to feel comfortable to reach out. And unfortunately, in the grand scheme of infertility, six months isn’t even that long. Sometimes you think, you know, this was a problem with the year package. Nobody wanted to be thinking they were going to be going through infertility still in a year, whereas many of us are. And so six months felt like a nice, reasonable amount of time where we can make a meaningful relationship together and still navigate one to 2, maybe three courses of treatment and see what’s happening. And the way that I say it is like we all know about the pregnancy glow. I like to give the fertility glow. And glow is for G is for a game control L for learn what works O is for ovary love and W is for when. So those are sort of the place we began in control is the number one stop, like making a plan together and not feeling like this is all happening to us and what are we going to do? And like we’re at the helm of whatever our doctor says. But no, like what can we do to feel in control of the journey and then finding the right team of people, doctors, acupuncture, energy, people, whatever works individually for a specific client and like making the plan together.

Wow.

That is really and I’m I’m so happy with the six month package. I love getting to know my people. Many of them come on for another six months. I wish they didn’t have to, but some of them do. Yeah. And many of them come on for six months, even after getting pregnant, because like I said, there’s no kind of trauma like pregnancy after infertility. And they want to just know that I’m still available to walk them through that.

Yes. That and that fourth trimester. I mean the of them. I mean I mean, that can go that mean I’m not trying to remarket your business here, but even what you said is like statistically speaking, most people are going to be in it for a year, even though we don’t think we want to. And, you know, understanding that there is so much that can go into these containers is six months containers together, even beyond trying to have a baby. After you’ve had a baby, there’s still there’s work to do there.

Right. Right.

And so much.

The feelings of motherhood after infertility, like you feel like you’re supposed to be so grateful for every little thing, but like, getting no sleep still makes you miserable. And you’re allowed to say that even though you wanted your baby more than anything in the world, right?

Totally.

So it’s really like a lot of mind games that happen.

Oh, yeah. And I mean, I think we all suffer from some range of postpartum depression. I think there’s a wide spectrum. I know for me, both of my kids didn’t really sleep for the first year. And I mean, your brain just doesn’t work on all cylinders, period. I remember I used to take pictures of my newborns and be like, I think people take pictures of babies to really realize and remember how cute they are when, like, they’re literally draining every ounce of life from being like.

Exactly.
Like. I have friends who are, like, obsessed with babies, and they go on to having a home health, like, you know, babysitting. And I’m like, please, please now, like, quite cute babies. I’m like, Oh, that’s good for you.

Yeah. Yeah. I always say, like, everyone’s children suck except my, you know, that’s like and I and I didn’t know that I was going to feel that way, you know, I thought I was just going to want to like, I’m really managing that piece of it too. When you overcome infertility if.

You just.
The puzzle yeah.
Huge. And again it’s like this this gray area that doesn’t really come up to the surface and get talked about and looked at.

And that is really like I am all about talking about all of it. Like I’m such an open book. I think it’s so important. I don’t expect everybody to be an open book, but I like to take advantage of the fact that I am because I figure it’s grounded in reality. This is just the reality. And what I’ve learned mostly from doing the podcast is that every so many people are like, That is exactly how my husband and I fight. Thank you for it. Like, I thought we were just even more horrible people than most. And like, I see now that that’s normal to fight that way. And it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other or I wanted to murder my doctor when they said that to me too. So thank you for just saying that because I felt so validated. And that is really what sharing our stories is about, right? Like.

Yes

Validating each other so that we know we’re not alone in this and that nothing’s wrong with us.

Absolutely. You know, it’s interesting, I yesterday I actually had my annual checkup at my OB. I go, I see and I see a midwife and I see who I had. That’s where I went for my the birth of my children and that the facility is being shut down. It’s part of a hospital. And they’re they’ve been petitioning. It’s actually being shut down. And when I went there yesterday, you know, I was angry because there is no other alternative, you know, a medical adjacent kind of facilities in the area with midwives with this kind of experience. And so they’re like being dispersed into other places for women. And, you know, it’s.

Surprising because not used to have great reproductive health benefits and like seems really proud. You know what I mean? I’m so surprised.

It’s it’s shocking. And, you know, the midwife who I spoke to, she’s been doing this for a hundred years, basically, and even just the level of love and care that she gave me doing breast exam and pelvic exam. And we were talking about, you know, what to look for when you do a breast exam. And I kind of just threw in, you know, after nursing my kids for so long, my breasts just didn’t look like they used to. And, you know, I did consider implants. And she stopped me right there and she took my hand and put it on my belly. And she looked me in the eyes and she said, Just remember, this body brought in life. This body is wonderful.

And love, this body, you know. And it’s so it’s like when you get that level of care, you can’t possibly compare it to being in like a sterile environment. And then when you’re in those maybe harsher, sterile environments with doctors and you think that that’s like the norm and you can’t have a person like you who you can be like, actually, maybe we could advocate for you a little bit, or maybe we need to find a different doctor or find a place that is a little bit more in line with your values. You know, I just realize how sacred that place has been for me all these years and how it never felt like things were being pushed on me. It just felt so warm and loving and welcoming. And I would wish that for every woman going and going through any anything.

Right. And it’s exactly what you say. Like, we don’t know what we don’t know. So when we go to a doctor that maybe doesn’t treat us in a safe way, we leave feeling like, Ooh, that was weird. But I guess that’s how it goes. That’s how it is. Yeah, I would, you know, any different or any better.

Right.

And that’s why. That’s why we need to tell these stories.

Correct.

To know, what’s better.

Yes, we need to tell these stories. We need people who are like you or groups of women who can get together and gather and speak these things out loud and understand. I mean, part of this conditioning has been passed down from our parents and from our grandparents. I mean, I have a next-door neighbor. She’s 81 years old. And after she had her third baby, they put a heat lamp on her vagina. They put a heat lamp on her. And she had up getting burns on her skin, on her labia.

Oh, my God.
Right. It’s like our.

What was the reason that they did that?

I. She can’t even articulate it. So even now, right now, she just goes with it because you’re like, Oh, I guess this is what I’m supposed to do.
Right. Or like, they took her kids and she wasn’t supposed to breastfeed them. Like she was like a bad mother because she was breastfeeding at that time. It was like a taboo thing. So it’s like.

This wasn’t that long ago.

I mean, this woman is literally living and breathing next door and telling me these stories. And so, again, having people that we can talk to and who can help share these stories and hold space in this way is so important. So. So you work with people one on one. Do you have group programs or sort of how does that work?

I do some group coaching, like a support group coaching really, but I do that for other organizations like Resolve, which is the National Infertility Awareness Association. There’s an amazing group called Fertility Rally that does a bunch of different support groups, so I don’t personally do a group coaching, although it is very much on my radar to potentially develop one. You know, it’s hard because some people don’t want to go through it with someone else. And, you know, my fear of a group coaching is like, let’s say I take five women together and like to get pregnant and three don’t. And what happens?

Right.

It’s just like a little tricky. So. Yeah, but I am working. You know what’s amazing is that so many companies are starting to bring fertility benefits into their workplace, which I think is so crucial. Yeah, but it’s almost reactive, like a Band-Aid on a problem. And they’re not. The people get the benefits, but still know how to use them well.

Right.

So what I’m doing is like trying to approach companies is like, let me help you help these women so that you’re not just like slapping an ad corporate insurance plan on them, but they understand what’s happening.

Yes.

What to choose. And so in that capacity, I’d like to work in groups. But, you know, this is like anything. It’s a long road. So that’s what I’m working on right now. If anybody has any corporate connections that they want to put me through to, please send them my way.

Yeah, I love that.
Yeah. So I for now, just feel like because also this is the thing with infertility. With six months, you might need me every day for three weeks and then not then we’re in a waiting period for two and a half months. So that’s why I also I do a longer-term plan because the ride is a total uneven roller coaster. So you might not need me all the time.

Right. Which makes sense. And I love that too. About your model of really giving people that flexibility and realizing like, you don’t need people to need you to be there all the time on time. Right. But then I love. So I’m going to talk about your card deck. So this is that invitation of, you know, if you’re not quite at that stage or even people who are working with you, having this deck is so beautiful. So you have empowering messages on each of the cards are like a rainbow in color for people who are watching the video.

You know, can send you some. I should have sent you some. I’m going to you some after this.

Thank you.

They’re done. By this way, you’ll have them for someone else who might need them.

And you know, we did talk about doing the possible giveaway to.

Yes

Why don’t we do it. Yes, let’s do that.

Yes. So I’ll give to I’ll give two decks away, 2 decks away.

Thank you. Thank you. So we’ll well have a giveaway for podcast listeners will share it on Instagram and just to get people excited about it and to see. So I love the parentheses around in for charity. Oh, God.

Like deciding internally that you might be infertile is a big decision. So if you don’t like it, where’s my finger? You don’t like it? Is there fertility cards of affirmation? And if you understand that you might be going through infertility already, then they’re infertility. For me?

Yes. Or in your fertility. Like, I think it could have made for many things. Yeah, I loved it.

So, yeah, these were born out of I got a deck of cards as a gift after I had babies already, and I was like, Oh, my God, I wish I had had these during my infertility journey. Wait a second. And so I was like, Oh, my God, I’m going to look for infertility cards of affirmation, of which there are none. And so I was like, We have to make them. And the artist, like anyone on video, can see the rainbow-like you were describing, and you’ll see it on Instagram. So the artist is amazing. Her name is Jamie Britcher and she is the glitter enthusiast on Instagram and she went through her own insane fertility journey and decided to gain control over her journey. She was going to use art with IVF needles, so she takes sterile IVF needles and makes these incredible like, here’s what each card looks like, these incredible complications. Cause, I mean, she uses, like, blow dryers and alcohol and all she’s all using it with IVF needles. And so she did the artwork. It was like such an obvious match for me. I was like, I have to call Jamie about this.

I don’t know. Is there another artist that we better match for you?

I don’t think so. So, like, here’s one that I just picked randomly. I can speak up when other suggestions or advice cause me stress and pain like we were just talking about.

Yes

I can. So this is affirming. I can speak up when other suggestions or advice caused me stress and pain. And you can see this one happens to be green. They’re all different colors, beautiful. And it’s just because again, you write someone says like, oh, try every other day or just relax on vacation and you’re inside. It’s like so raging, angry. So then you check your card and maybe the next day you say, you know, there was something you said the other day, and I just want to let you know, maybe that wasn’t the case, whatever it might be. So these are very specific to the fertility journey really.

I love them. And I was going to ask you to pull a card

So I’m glad that you did.

And I still use them now, even though I’m on the other side. But I find that very helpful in everyday life.

I mean, that messages is perfect for.

No matter what.

Yeah

Totally. I think honestly, people are reaching out to me all the time, like mothers and sisters and best friends that were like, you know, my best friend’s IVF just failed. I don’t know what to do. Do I get flowers or does that seem like it’s a funeral? Do I say nothing? And so when you go on our site and look at the cards, I even give examples of things you can say that include things like. You know, I saw these cards and they made me think of you. I never know the right thing to say, but I hope that they provide support in your journey or whatever, in my being, in little examples of things that you can say because there aren’t perfect gifts out there for this kind of grief and loss. And now I feel like there are going away.

And you know what? You just made me see greeting cards as well.

Yes. And now Jamie has been working on as well.

Yeah. I mean, those would be beautiful greeting cards that people could buy from you. And, you know, it’s not that like that card could be the message. An insider could say one of the beautiful things that you just said.

Of totally, you know, people that idea.

You heard it here first on the Aligned & Unstoppable podcast, you get full.

Credit. Full credit.

I don’t mean I don’t need it but I mean that’s just it is like we all are searching for those pieces that can say the things that we wish we could say and don’t want to give people at all. Like, that is so wonderful. Abbe thank you for being a guest and thank you for sharing your story. I think that the listeners are going to hear so much hope in your story and also see, I mean, even when you talked about your business model of offering a gazillion things and then now narrowing it down like let’s have a signature program. And actually, this is how I serve at my highest level. I mean, this is stuff I talk about all the time. And it is so congruent with the messages that I share here. So I think if people are hearing you say it, it’s you, it’s not me, say it is. You see, I.

Totally know we didn’t talk ahead. Of time about this, I promise.

But that’s also part of the journey is like we have to eat a little humble pie. We volunteer, we try this, we try that, we throw spaghetti against the wall and then we go home. This is it. Like we get we have to get to that piece, but we can’t just I think people want to fast forward and just get to the place where they have the thing that sells to everybody. But like, what’s fun is that you’re not going to build your audience and build your message. You don’t understand who you are. If you just start with, I just offer this one thing and I, you know, you’re not even confident in it at that point. I know.

And I think one of the important things that I do say in a different way is that nothing is set in stone. So if you try it, if it doesn’t work for you, then you just can change it. It’s not right. Like, that was hard for me because I’m very like, plan must be in place now. This is the plan. I can’t change that. I just put it in place. But if it’s not serving you or your people, then it’s not working. So to change it, you know

Powerful.

All right.

I adore you!

The feeling is mutual, Abbe. So everybody can find you. You’re InCircle Fertility, on Instagram.

InCircle Fertility and Abbe Feeder. You can find either one and cross-find me on both and I love my DMS, so feel free to reach out. You can go to my website if you want a 30-minute connection call to see if maybe you want to work together we’re a fit. Please reach out for that. And we’re going to do two, two car giveaways, which I’m super excited about.

So cool. But it’s like, this is the podcast that just keeps on giving.

I love it.

So good. All right. Listen, thank you so much. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please take a screenshot and tag me in Abbe in your stories. You know, we both love DM. She just said this is the best way to give back to us. To say thank you, to say what was your AHA or that something really helped you. Or if Abbe said Oh, this particular phrase and then you use it on your friend and you’re like, Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I needed to say. Thank you for those words. Connection is everything, and we are both totally all about it. You can always leave a positive review on iTunes and give us both a shout-out on there. Thank you for listening and sticking with us and please get yourself in that card giveaway. I want you to win. Those cards are so gorgeous. Thank you for listening. Lots of love, I will see you on next week’s episode.

Action Steps To Align Your Biz:

 

Think about what you have overcome and what you can help people with. Is it currently in your business? Can you include it? Try journaling about it and see what insight you get.

About Abbe

Abbe Feder is the founder of InCircle Fertility. She is the fertility coach she’d have wanted through her own six-year path to parenthood. She holds the hearts and hands of women and couples struggling to navigate fertility challenges. Abbe can’t guarantee a baby, but she can guarantee to make you feel in control of a completely out-of-control process.

You can find her here:

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